A Simple Life
by dianaameade2
Summary: It wouldn't be a wedding without a little drama, and Clary wishes that she wasn't in the middle of it; her best friends are tying the knot, Jace is back in her life, her brother is across the Atlantic and her mother is getting sicker by the day- not to mention the overbearing boyfriend. Old feelings resurface, but Clary just finds herself being buried deeper. AH/AU
1. Chapter 1

A Simple Life

Chapter One: The Shindig

' _Well, a gathering is brie, mellow song stylings; shindig, dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage; and hootenanny, well, it's chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny.' - Oz_

Clary always found herself amazed by Isabelle's parent's house; she practically lived there as a teenager, sleepovers and hangovers and afternoons doing homework. Her mother was so busy with her new studio when Clary had graduated uni that she had stayed with the Lightwoods for three months before moving into her own flat, and now that she was back for Isabelle's engagement party, it was like coming home.

She had been staying here the past week, and she was with Isabelle when her best friend had told Maryse that she was getting married; she had held Izzy's hand whilst her mother complained that Simon was only in it for the trust fund and had been eager to step in and suggest that they hold the engagement party here, rather than at Simon and Isabelle's small house just outside the city, as it would be a place where Mrs Lightwood would be more comfortable. She had steadily agreed, and now the day had come; Clary had been in town, picking up last minute champagne and streamers from Isabelle's boutique, and as she juggled the bags out of the truck she tried not to get the hem of her shimmery green dress stuck in the door.

"Need a hand?"

She looked up, and was greeted by the smiling face of Sebastian, her boyfriend, who was standing at the top of the steps to the front door; she grinned at him and held out a bag.

"Always." She said, and he laughed at her shuffling movements, pulling one bag from her and grabbing her keys with his free hand, locking the truck and jogging to keep up with her.

"Did anyone interesting arrive whilst I was gone?" Clary asked, and he shook his head, holding the front door for her.

"Nope; not unless you count Isabelle's elderly neighbour- and Kaelie." He said with a pretend grimace; the thing about living in the town where you grew up was that there was no escape from the high school drama that she so desperately wished was in the past.

"Oh god; anyone but Kaelie." They grinned at each other before making their way into the party; it wasn't in full swing yet, but already Isabelle was slightly tipsy, her arm around Simon's waist, and her brother and brother in law were standing close by, laughing at her actions.

"Clary!" Simon called as he spotted her, and Sebastian took the bags from her as she made her way to Simon, letting him peel himself from Isabelle before wrapping his arms around her.

Really, Clary was responsible for this whole shindig; if it weren't for her then Isabelle and Simon may never have met. For a long time, Si was _her_ friend; they had grown up together, and had kept in touch when Clary moved to England- it was at Clary's graduation party (hosted by the Isabelle, of course) that Simon and Isabelle were introduced; the last thing Clary expected was for them to be engaged two and a half years later.

"You look amazing, Clary." Simon said, pulling back to take a look at her; she grinned, doing a twirl, then looked over his shoulder to wiggle her fingers at Izzy. She skipped over to the pair, swinging an arm around both Clary and Simon's shoulders.

"My best girl and my best boy." She said happily, planting a kiss on both of their cheeks; Clary laughed and squirmed out of her grip, pointing at Sebastian who was currently hanging more streamers along the doorframe.

"I picked up your stuff; Maia said she would be along after her shift." Clary said, watching her boyfriend covertly. Isabelle giggled.

"As long as I get a present I don't care when she comes." She said, spinning away to talk to her other employees who had gathered in a corner; Simon and Clary shared a look.

"How much has she had to drink?" She asked him, and he laughed.

"I don't think she's had anything but champagne since I proposed two weeks ago." He grinned, and Clary laughed; she could tell that her friends were both over the moon. She glanced over at Isabelle and watched her showing off the ring once again.

"God." Clary said as Simon wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "That rock you gave her could sink the Titanic." She said, admiring the jewel as Simon laughed, his body shaking.

"Just because I beat Sebastian to the punch doesn't mean you need to get jealous." He replied, and Clary jabbed him in the gut.

"Shut up; you know we don't want to get married." She said wistfully; in truth, it was Sebastian who didn't believe in 'the corrupt institute that was only a vessel for divorce' and had sworn off marriage of any kind. But Clary loved him, and she didn't mind giving up that tiny desire to be with him. Simon sensed her discomfort, and they both welcomed the interruption that was Magnus Bane- Lightwood.

"Dar-ling." He sighed, playing almost too perfectly into the 1980's queer stereotype. "That dress is honestly so gorgeous, I think I'm blind." He said, and Clary laughed as she hugged him. Alec was slightly behind Magnus, ever the shadow to Mag's sun, but he too pulled Clary in for a tight hug.

"You look great too, Magnus. And Alec; you own a colour other than navy?" She asked with mock horror, and Magnus laughed at Alec's blush.

"I said it, didn't I, the grey looks much better on you. Very fifty shades." Magnus winked, and Simon pretended to gag. "Where is that delicious boy-toy of yours, Clary?" He asked, and Clary blushed hard.

"He's popping champagne- and don't call him a boy-toy Mags, you know he hates it." She said with a groan, but all she received was a cheeky wink in response as he headed off, with Alec in tow, to speak with Seb; probably some boring work jargon considering Alec and Sebastian worked together.

"No Jon today?" Simon asked, and Clary shook her head.

"No- he sends all his love though. He's looking after mum this weekend, then heading back out to New York." She said, trying to keep her voice even.

"How is Jocie?" Simon said gently, and Clary nodded, biting her lip.

"She's doing okay; the doctor said that her scans are looking better, and she isn't in a whole lot of pain." She said, and Simon nodded intensely. Her mother was diagosed with cancer less than a year ago, and with all the people that loved Jocelyn Fairchild, it was hard on everyone to see her hurting.

"Luke come's back from France next week though, so he's planning on bringing her up to stay with me and Seb; maybe you can come over then and we can make a party of it?" Clary said gently, and Simon beamed.

"Yes! That is a perfect plan; party with the Fairchild clan is the only way to go." He said with a grin, and Clary sighed deeply.

"No matter what happens, there is no way she will miss this wedding." Clary said, grinning at Simon. "So it's a good thing you've planned a short engagement." She teased, and Simon groaned.

"Oh, do not get me started, Fairchild." He scolded. "I thought the hard part was proposing, and now she wants to plan a wedding in three months? I'm aging before my time- look at all these greys." He said, running a hand through his perfectly chestnut hair. Clary laughed.

"You should feel lucky that your best-friend-slash-best-maid-of-honour-ever is now officially on her three month holiday." She giggled, and Simon smiled.

"Is teaching really a job again? All you seem to do is go on holiday." He quipped, and she smacked him with her sparkling clutch bag.

"Hey; you try looking after unruly teenagers for eight hours a day and then tell me it's not a job." She sulked, winking at him, and he grinned, then stopped grinning.

"Oh god; it's Rebecca's boyfriend; I can't stand that guy." Simon said, grimacing, then plastering a fake smile to his face and turning to Clary. "Better go say hello then!"

Clary laughed at his fake enthusiasm and watched him go toward his lovely sister and her not so lovely, much older, boyfriend. She only turned when she heard the doorbell go.

"I'll get it!" She shouted to no one in particular, dropping her bag onto a table and heading to the door, figuring that she was the least drunk. Making her way to the door she saw a peek of Seb and Alec with a guy that she didn't know, and she smiled as she opened the door.

Trying to keep her smile steady when she saw who it was.

"Jace." She said, putting on a sourness in her voice that she couldn't quite hide; the man in front of her laughed, moving through the door and pulling her into a suffocating hug.

"Carrot top!" He shouted, gaining the attention of the guys in the kitchen and Isabelle's colleagues. "How I have missed you." He squeezed her, and Clary pushed at his chest, blowing an errant piece of hair from her face and giving him a dirty look.

"How I haven't missed you, Goldilocks." She retorted, rolling her eyes at him, and he laughed once again; she tried not to laugh with him, but the infectious nature of his grin always got her in the end, and he winked when he saw the edges of her lips pull up into a smile; she submitted, pulling him in for a proper hug.

"How are you?" She asked, stretching up onto her toes to get her arms around his ridiculously tall stature.

"All the better for seeing you." He said, and she smacked his back. She could feel the chuckle shake through him, and pulled back to get a good look at him. "Honestly woman, you wound me. I am good though; where's the blushing bride?" He asked, looking over her shoulder, and Clary laughed.

"It's the engagement party, not the wedding you fool." She said, walking into the party with him following along close behind her. "She's not the bride yet."

"Yeah, yeah, just show me the booze and I'll be happy." He said, and Clary raised an eyebrow; he had been sober for three months. "Okay, that joke isn't funny yet, I'll save it for later. How about 'show me the ladies'?" He said and grinned as Clary laughed.

"I'll show you one lady for now." Clary said, and spotted Izzy on a chair.

"Isabelle- your favourite cousin is here." She said with a grin, and Isabelle looked up to see Jace; she pretended to sigh.

"Oh- I thought you were Gideon." She said with a grin, and Jace mocked a wide-eyed look of betrayal.

"What is with the violence- we're all family, can't we get along." He said. "Besides, being best man automatically gives me favourite cousin status." He carried on with a smile before wrapping Isabelle into a tight hug. "Speaking of- where is the nerd?" He asked, and Clary replied in place of the tipsy Isabelle.

"He's in the kitchen I think, but listen." She said, lowering her voice. "Seb is here, so play nice." She said; a dark look crossed Jace's features, but it was replaced by his usual smile in no time.

"I always play nice." He muttered, and Clary raised an eyebrow.

"My kitchen table would beg to differ." She said, and Jace raised an eyebrow in synchronicity

"Hey, it was your boyfriend, not mine, that challenged a gym owner to an arm wrestle."

"I didn't know you had a boyfriend." Clary replied, leading him to the kitchen and ignoring his jibe, and Jace rolled his eyes as he played along.

"Oh yeah, he's very nice- I'll introduce you when you stop getting on my nerves." He said, and Clary shot him another dirty look, but wiped it from her face as they reached the kitchen.

"Look who's here!" She said to the group, letting the men get their man hugs out of the way before moving to stand under Seb's arm; he wouldn't like it if she stood with someone else while she was there.

"There he is." Jace said with a grin, pulling Simon into a hug and wiping a fake tear from his face. "I love you, man- I'm so happy for you." He said, and Simon whacked at him, laughing.

"Don't get gooey on me now, Herondale. I'm taken." Simon retorted with a grin.

"He's not a threat Si, he already has a boyfriend." Clary said, pouring herself a glass of champagne.

"Oh really." Magnus said from his spot at the table, winking, and Simon cackled with laughter.

"I don't know what I missed but I'm glad I did; did you get here alright." He said to Jace, who nodded nonchalantly as he opened a beer.

"Yeah, my bags are in the car, I'll get them later. Who's staying the night?" He asked, and Simon shrugged.

"Anyone too drunk to drive, I'm guessing. Maryse is currently drinking her second triple scotch; I don't think she's very happy about the situation." He said with a grimace, and Jace rolled his eyes.

"That's a lot of maths for one drink- you should've asked her permission like a good Jewish boy would." He said, and Simon glared at him.

"The only permission you need from now on is Izzy's." Alec said grimly, and the whole group burst out laughing at his absurdly cryptic statement.

Clary felt a hand slide across her waist and down her back; she pressed her back against the cabinet, stopping the motion.

"Not here, Seb." She whispered gently, letting her hair hide her words. She felt his grip tighten slightly and winced.

"I haven't seen you in days." He grumbled, spreading his hand across her lower back. She sighed, downing her champagne and putting on a smile.

"Later." She whispered, then turned back to the conversation.

She couldn't help but catch Jace's eyes; burning gold, watching her as they always did. He raised an eyebrow, and she silenced him with a look- as she always had. They had had the same argument too many times, and she wasn't in the mood that night.

It didn't stop him from approaching her two hours later while the party was in full swing, and Clary was standing with her back against the living room wall; Sebastian had snuck off an hour before to watch a rugby match with some of Simon's work buddies, and the party goers were currently dancing in the dim light of the room, loud music blaring from the Lightwood's sound system.

"Hey." He said, leaning beside her with his hands in his pockets. He had that look on his face.

"Not tonight, Jace. Let's not fight." She said quietly, looking at her hands.

"Fight? Who's fighting. I've just come to chat." He said.

"Yeah, yeah; chat about how shitty my long-term boyfriend is." She whispered, and Jace raised an eyebrow.

"You said it, not me." He said, and Clary glared at him.

"I love him, Jace. Don't you see that; and he loves me. Just… try to get along, because you'll be seeing a lot more of him." She said, and Jace looked at her curiously. "Isabelle told me you're moving back down here." She muttered, hiding her smile; he had been living up in Northampton for two years, and was about to move back to London to open a new gym. He was quite a successful guy.

"Damn- I was going to take you out, surprise you and Jocelyn." He said, a pout etching its way across his lips. She grinned, but inside she knew that Sebastian would never let it happen.

"Cats out of the bag, blondie- so get on with my boyfriend, because I sort of semi-like having you in my life, I would hate to have to kick you out."

"You kicked me out of your flat when I broke the table." He said smugly, and Clary laughed.

"You admit it then; you can pay for the new one." She said, and he shook his head.

"Okay, well something Izzy- fat mouth- Lightwood doesn't know is that I've taken six weeks off of work to help them out with the wedding plans." He said, and Clary's eyes went wide.

"Oh my god… the workaholic has gone rogue- alert the media!" She yelled, trying to pull away as he flung an arm around her and shuffled her hair. She gasped with laughter.

"Okay- maybe I agreed to work mornings down at the site, but the next six weeks of afternoons and evenings I am totally free." He said, and Clary grinned.

"So- we only get seventy percent Jace input." She said, and he pretended to look thoughtful.

"Hm, I'd say eighty three, plus overtime for all the help I'm giving the maid of honour- you know, stopping her from tripping over her own feet as she walks down the aisle." He smirked, and Clary stuck out her tongue. "Are you sure you aren't an unruly year seven?" He grinned, and Clary laughed.

She had missed him badly, but she knew that no good could come of them spending so much time together, because he was one of her closest friends with a grudge against her boyfriend, and the combination didn't mix well.

"Okay, I'm going to get the cake ready." She said, clapping her hands and making a subtle attempt to leave. Jace grinned, watching her leave and knowing he had rattled her; she was easy to read, and Jace felt as though tonight he had dived back into a familiar book, the pages worn from all the times he had read it.

This wedding was something that was supposed to bring everyone closer; but there was one person that was more than happy to keep Clary to himself, and Jace was determined that this time round, he wasn't going to give up quite so easily on a girl who deserved far better.

….

 **First chapter! Please leave a review and let me know what you think; my other story 'Cigarette Burns' is hopefully going to be updated by the end of the week, but I just had to get this idea out. It's a bit more light hearted and character centric, rather than driven by the plot, so let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: I Wish I Knew How To Quit You

' _I don't think about her all the time; sometimes I sleep, and eat. When that's all done, then I think about her. Its called balance, Sheila- look it up.'_

"Speech!" Isabelle called from her slightly sloshed position on the couch, and Clary laughed- no one had stood up, or given any sign of wanting to speak, but Isabelle was too drunk to care.

"Hey, babe, maybe it's time for bed." Simon said gently, and Izzy rolled her eyes.

"Noo thanks. The party is only just starting!" She sang, her head lolling, and Clary tucked her head into Sebastian's neck to stifle her laughter; it was only immediate family and their partners left, and they were all sat around in the mess, laughing at cheap-drunk Isabelle. Clary felt Sebastian's warm arms wrap around her and felt him kiss the top of her head. She smiled, looking up at him; but as she looked around the room she met Jace's eyes.

He was so different from Seb; they were like light and dark. Where Jace was all hot smirks and warm brown eyes, Sebastian was cool and calm, eyes so grey they were almost black. His smile was always tight, composed- but he was still affectionate, always touching her and watching out for her. She could almost always sense his eyes on her wherever she was; that was love, right?

She smiled lightly at Jace, watching his reaction. He smiled stiffly back but didn't stop watching her. She stuck out her tongue, hoping to end his gaze, but he just kept watching her.

"I'm gonna leave in a minute, babe." Sebastian said, and she turned to look at him; he had a strand of her hair in his hand and was twirling it gently. "Are you coming with me?" He said. Clary was glad that everyone was focused on Izzy, because in that moment she turned up to Sebastian and frowned.

"You know I'm staying here, Seb- I'm here until Monday." She said, and flinched as he twisted her hair slightly harder, bringing her face close to his; he was usually less rough than this, but there was a sharp glint in his eye tonight.

"I want you to come with me- you can come back in the morning." He said, rubbing a hand on her thigh. She sighed, knowing that this was going to be a battle.

"I'm meant to stay and help clean up, and there's the brunch tomorrow- I can't just bail on Izzy." She said, and immediately she knew that it was the wrong thing to say. He stood up, knocking her out of the way as he stood, and Clary tried to ignore the look on her friend's faces as she chased after him; he was already out the door.

"Sebastian!" She whisper shouted, and he turned to meet her.

"You can bail on me, but you won't bail on Izzy?" He said furiously, and Clary felt tears of frustration well up in her eyes. "You always do this, Clary. I'm always second best to you." He repeated, and Clary rubbed the back of her hand against her forehead.

"That's not what I meant, Seb- she just got engaged, and I just finished for the summer… I want to spend some time with her." She said carefully, walking toward him, but there was still hot anger bubbling under the surface of his look.

"But not with me."

"I didn't say that either…."

"You'll spend time with Isabelle and her family, but not with your own. Cheers, Clare, that makes me feel great." He spat, walking away, and Clary groaned.

"Seb, let's not fight- please! I'll see you tomorrow anyway for the brunch." She said, and Sebastian shot her a dark look.

"I'll skip it; see you at home Clary, whenever you decide to come."

With that he stepped into his dark Audi, slamming the door shut behind him. She watched in frustration as he drove off, refusing to let the tears slip and turning back to walk begrudgingly into Isabelle's house.

"Are you okay, biscuit?" Magnus said quietly as she stepped back through the door; she nodded slightly, but felt the burn of tears betray her and she found herself being pulled into the kitchen and wrapped in Magnus' patchouli and bergamot scented arms. She sighed heavily, letting him soothe her, then she pulled back to drink some water.

"Did you have a fight?" He asked her carefully, and Clary nodded slowly, sipping her drink. "Do you want to talk about it?" He continued, and she shook her head.

"It's just the usual stuff- he'll cool off by Monday and we'll talk about it then." She said, and he nodded in understanding.

"Is he coming back for the brunch?" He asked, and she shook her head; then a wave of panic shot over her.

"Shit!" She said, looking to Magnus. "Was he drinking?" She asked, wracking her brain to figure out if Sebastian had stormed out in anger because of her and driven home under the influence.

"I don't think so darling; I only saw you drinking earlier, then he went to watch the match." He said thoughtfully, and Clary swallowed.

"Yeah… you're right." She glanced at the clock, which told her that it was nearly two in the morning. "God, I think I'm going to bed- if I have to deal with Iz and Simon's own version of 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' I need to be with it." Clary said, easing the tension, and Magnus laughed as they re-joined the group.

"That's why I eloped, doll, to escape the fan fair of an _English_ wedding." He said, shuddering, and Clary grinned.

"I see… that's why I wasn't invited." She said with disdain and laughed when he bumped her shoulder. They sat back down on one of the many couches, amused to see that Isabelle had sobered up some.

"I am so tired." Isabelle said when she spotted Clary. She grinned.

"Time for bed?" Clary questioned, moving to slump herself across Isabelle's lap; she felt her best friend squirm under her in mock indignation before feeling slender arms wrap around her waist; she slung an arm over Isabelle's shoulders and lay her head on the top of Izzy's.

"Thank you, guys. I had the best night- and tomorrow the rest of the gang will be here for round two!" She said happily and everyone else simultaneously groaned. She rolled her brown eyes, shoving at Clary who stood up and wrapped an arm around Isabelle's waist to support her.

"Now can we go to bed?" Clary said, her eyes beginning to feel heavier, and Isabelle blew a kiss to everyone before trudging up the stairs with Clary to the room they were sharing for the night; the Lightwood house was plenty big enough for her to have her own room, but tomorrow more friends and family were arriving- some coming from abroad who would have to stay the night- to celebrate Isabelle and Simon's engagement.

Clary cleaned her face as quickly as possible before rolling into bed beside Izzy, pulling the blanket around her.

"Night Clary." Isabelle mumbled, her smudged mascara staining the pillow; Clary smiled dutifully despite her worries and patted Isabelle's hand goodnight before falling into a deep sleep.

…..

It had only a month since Jace had seen Clary, but he swore she was more gorgeous every time he saw her, but more tired too. He could still remember the first time that they met, and as he helped Simon load the dishwasher before going to bed he found himself reminiscing on the scene.

She had been thirteen, short for her age and covered in tan freckles, and when she had walked into school with Isabelle he had been taken at first glance; she was the new girl with the American accent who wasn't very good at keeping her uniform clean- she always had paint splatters on something. He was in the year above her, an immature year ten who thought that the sun shone out of Kaelie Whitewillow's arse, but when he saw Clary he knew that she was the one.

Apparently every other boy at school had that idea though, and by the end of her first week she already had three invitations to the start of term dance. But he was the one she went with; well, she went with him, Jon, Will, Izzy and Maia after he had gone to great lengths convincing Izzy to help him. She thought his crush was cute considering how hung up he had been over Kaelie… and Maria in year twelve… and Lindsay from St. Michaels. Alas, his adolescent attempts at love weren't meant to be, and he and Clary grew close- too close, to the point where she thought of him as a second brother; it didn't help that her brother (who was in the same year as him) Jonathon had become his best friend over night. So, he gave up on his crush, and just enjoyed the fact that he got to be in her life- he was lucky like that.

He could still remember the first time she had smiled at him, when Isabelle introduced them. They used to sit together at lunch when Izzy and Maia had choir practice, and he would help her with her homework when he stayed over with Jonathon.

And now they were all grown up, and he had been living hundreds of miles away, and she had a long term boyfriend who hated his guts. She wasn't the same girl that she used to be- and he knew that she had a lot going on, but he missed the carefree thirteen year old more that he cared to admit.

"You're thinking hard." Simon said, shaking Jace from his reverie as he loaded in the final glass. "What's going on?" He asked, and Jace sighed, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"Do you like Sebastian?" He asked grimly, and Simon blinked, causing Jace to laugh. "Me neither- I don't get what Clary sees in him." He finished. Simon sighed, patting his hands dry.

"I don't know- believe me, I have tried to see the best in him, but he just rubs me the wrong way. He loves Clary though, and she loves him, so we better get used to it." He said, and Jace snapped his head up.

"What do you mean?" He asked, and Simon shrugged.

"Well; I know Clary says that they aren't the marrying type, but with all this going on I wouldn't be surprised if they got wedding fever and got engaged; it's just how it goes." He said, and Jace swallowed thickly.

"How romantic." He blanched, leaning on the counter. "I'm glad to see you proposed to Iz for all the right reasons."

Simon laughed, biting his lip.

"You don't think they would though… I mean, it's only been-"

"Three years- they met just before her twenty second, Jace. It's been a long time." Simon said flatly, and Jace groaned.

"I guess I will get used to him then." He said, and Simon sighed.

"You better- there is to be no drama at my wedding."

"Mate, have you met the Lightwoods? This is going to be an absolute nightmare." Jace grinned, and Simon groaned.

"Go to bed Jace- you're getting on my nerves. I have to be up at the arse crack of dawn tomorrow." He said, and Jace grinned as he exited the kitchen.

"Great imagery; I'll have to let Clary in on that one, she can add it to her list." He said, and Simon just switched out the light on him. He went to bed, a heavy weight on his chest reminding him once again that they weren't teenagers anymore, and real life was kind of a bitch.

….

The next day was an awkward affair; Maryse was up early, helping the caterers prepare for the afternoon meal, and Clary and Isabelle sat at the kitchen table with Simon, folding napkins like their lives depended on it. Jace, Alec and Magnus had been sent to collect groceries, under strict instructions from Maryse, of course, and there was tension in the air.

"You're doing it wrong." Clary said to Simon, watching him massacre the paper swan. Simon frowned.

"No I'm not- look-" He held up the vague attempt at origami poultry. "-Swan." He said, and Isabelle held back her laughter.

"Okay, fine, carry on that way- we'll see what happens when Maryse sees them." Clary said haughtily, and Simon rolled his eyes.

"Sorry _Miss Fairchild,_ you fix it." He said, throwing the napkin at her as she laughed, sticking out her tongue.

The rest of the day went as follows; Clary spent the majority of the brunch speaking to Izzy's grandmother at a pitch that could stop traffic, laughing silently under her napkin. Jace was having the time of his life lording his best man status over Alec, sat in the middle of some of Izzy's other cousins, and Isabelle spent her time trying to stop her uncle Henry upending the table with his wooden leg.

That's family.

By the time it was over the sun was going down, and Isabelle was excitedly kissing everyone goodbye with her mother as Jace and Clary found themselves on washing up duty.

"I can't believe that Will didn't bring Tessa." She said to Jace as he handed her a glass to dry. "I mean- who leaves their wife at home during a family event!" She continued, and Jace rolled his eyes.

"Once again the least handsome Herondale is letting the line down." He said with a smirk, handing over another glass. Clary bumped his shoulder.

"I'm so glad you're moving back down here." She said quietly, and Jace watched her expression as she dried up a plate. "I've honestly missed you." She continued, and Jace smiled.

"I've missed you too, short stuff. I'm gonna feel like a teenager again living around here." He said.

"I wish we were teenagers still; do you remember the road trip we all took after sixth form?" She asked, and he grinned widely.

"The magical mystery tour around Somerset in the beat up caravan? How could I forget." Jace laughed, and she smiled.

"We broke down halfway through." She said, and he handed her another plate.

"At least Izzy made friends with that bloke at the White Horse; we had free drinks for a week." He laughed, and she grinned.

"I forgot about that! Probably because I drank so much Strongbow, to be fair." She shuddered.

"Lightweight." He said, and she went quiet. He knew exactly what she was thinking. "Its fine Clary; talking about booze won't make me relapse." He said, and she smiled tightly.

"I know- I just would never want to say anything that could hurt you." She answered, shoving the tea towel away from her and sighing. "I wish you had told me sooner- I would have…"

"Chained me to my bed? Shackled me to _your_ bed?" He cut her off. "As tempting as that sounds, you wouldn't have been able to help. I just needed time." He said, and she nodded.

"Okay; but I'm just a phone call away if you ever need me- and hey, we'll basically be neighbours soon this shitty town is so small!" She said happily, and he laughed.

"Remind me to install security, just in case you get any Gerald's Game ideas." He said, and she flicked some suds at him from the bowl. "I have an addiction question for you, Miss Fairchild." He said nonchalantly, and she looked at him quizzically.

"What?" She asked, and he looked at her carefully.

"When did you start smoking again?" He asked, and Clary blanched.

"How did you know." She muttered, covering her eyes, and Jace shrugged.

"You had that antsy look like you used to have- you gave up like… two years ago. Why'd you start again?" He asked, and she shrugged.

"I don't know… not long. Seb still smokes, and he was always asking me to sit outside with him at the pub or asking if I wanted one when we're at home. It's just… convenient." She said, and he frowned. "But I haven't had one in like… three days." She said carefully, crossing her arms. "I guess that's why I'm jittery."

"You should stop." He said, and she frowned.

"I know… it's not that easy." She said, and he huffed.

"You're preaching to the choir; I know it's hard but do it anyway." He said, and she smiled.

"I forgot how blunt you are."

"No, you didn't."

"Don't get pedantic- I was about to agree with you."

"You'll give up smoking?" He asked, slightly surprised, and she nodded- secretly she had been wanting to for months, ever since Seb had gotten her hooked again. "Yes!" He picked up her tiny body and spun her around, and she laughed maniacally as she pounded his back for him to put her down.

"Thanks for caring about my lung health." She laughed, and he raised an eyebrow.

"More like overall health- I'm shocked that your mum hasn't chewed you out." He responded, and she looked at her hands- he mocked a gasp. "You didn't tell her! You cheeky git- I'm telling on you." He said, and Clary laughed despite her embarrassment.

"No one really knows; I only ever do it when Seb is around and asks me- you're the first person to notice." She said thoughtfully, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Looks like I'm going to have to chain myself to _your_ bed to stop you from making stupid decisions." He said, and she sighed.

"Yeah, yeah, enough with the bondage fetish and finish the washing up."

He grinned at her, pleased with himself, but overwhelmingly furious at Sebastian for dragging his girl back into bad habits; they finished clearing up in companionable silence, and as they parted ways to change into more casual clothes, Clary felt a great sense of relief.

Isabelle insisted on making the small group watch an unbearable rom-com marathon, and they were half way through 'About Time' when Clary felt her eyes drooping; Magnus seems thoroughly absorbed in the movie, and Clary couldn't help but grin at the absent way that he ran his fingers through Alec's hair. Jace had gone outside to take a call, and Simon was snoring steadily on the couch. Clary turned to Izzy.

"I think I'm gonna turn in, Iz. I'm shattered." She said, and Isabelle turned to look at her, her arm slung over her shoulders.

"Are you okay?" She asked quietly, letting Rachel McAdams' voice drown out their conversation. Clary nodded.

"I'm so happy for you; I love being here with you all… I'm just tired." She said, and Isabelle nodded, looking like she wanted to say something, then stopped.

"Okay- I'll see you up there." She said, shooting her a small smile, and Clary kissed her cheek.

"Night everyone." She said groggily, patting Magnus' hand and blowing Simon a kiss; there was a chorus of 'Good nights' and she headed up to bed; the sound of Jace's voice was filtering from one of the guest rooms, and Clary decided that she would wait until the morning to say goodbye- he had to head back up home in the morning to get the moving started, the he was spending a busy week trudging between north and south setting up his new business. Clary smiled at the thought of Jace being closer; she really did miss him.

Taking a quick shower, she climbed into bed, pulling out her phone and checking her messages. She was secretly hoping that Sebastian had called her, texted her to apologise. But he hadn't. Sighing to herself she dialled her brother's number, ready to hear his sleepy voice.

"Clary."

"Jon."

They both laughed, and some of the unyielding tension that had been building up inside of her easing, and she smiled.

"How's the festivities?" Jon asked, and Clary tucked her legs under her, pulling the covers around her.

"You missed a real party, brother. I haven't seen Isabelle so drunk since the Christmas we spent in New York." She said, and Jon laughed.

"Send her my love. God, I can't believe little Dizzy Izzy is getting married." He said, and she could almost hear him rubbing his neck.

"To Simon." Clary said, and he chuckled.

"To Simon Lewis; who knew." He laughed. "Is Sebastian there?" He asked, and Clary felt that ache come back. "Clary…?"

"No. We had a fight and he went home." She said, and Jonathon sighed. This happened a lot. "It was stupid, but he just… I never seem to say anything right anymore." She bit her lip, holding back tears.

"You'll work it out; you always do." He said firmly, and Clary heard a voice in the background. "Look, that's mom- she wants to talk to you."

"What's she doing up so late?" Clary asked, worried, and Jonathon laughed again.

"If you think I have any control over our mother, you are dead wrong." He said, and Clary braced herself for her mother's voice. "Oh- and I love you Clary, if that boyfriend of yours doesn't start treating you better, tell him I'll kick his ass." He said, and Clary grinned.

"Will do, Jon. Now put my mother on the phone." She said, and listened to the shuffling as the phone was passed along.

"Hello darling." Jocelyn said, and Clary choked back tears once again. Every time she saw her mother it was like a tiny miracle; cancer was a nefarious fucker, and although her mother had kicked the 'six months to live' bullshit right in the ass, her life was still hanging in the cosmic balance. And that was something that Clary couldn't handle.

"Hi, Mom. How are you feeling?" She said, pulling on a strand of hair, and her mother sighed.

"Every time you ask me that I age by ten years, Clary. I'm fine- better than fine, I feel great. The doctor gave me a new medication yesterday and it's much better. And Dora dropped off a new wig for me today." She said, and Clary grinned.

"Is it any good?" She asked, and her mother chuckled.

"Oh, it's absolute rubbish, but it was a nice gesture. I always did wonder what I would look like with blue hair." She said and Clary grinned. Losing her hair had been hard on her mother- it's how people knew her, it was part of her brand. But she was a fighter.

"I think blue would be a good look on you. How's Luke?" Clary asked after her stepfather, and Jocelyn sighed.

"He's good; I don't see why he feel the need to travel around Europe looking for antique books, I'm sure they're all stacked in our basement." She said, Clary laughing as she spoke.

"Well, send him my love; Iz and Simon say hello."

"Oh- tell then congratulations from me; if I didn't have my scan I would have been there yesterday." Jocelyn said forlornly, and Clary smiled.

"Don't worry, they know. I was thinking that they could all come over when you're with me next weekend?" She said.

"That's a wonderful idea!" Jocelyn cried happily, and they spent the next fifteen minutes discussing their plans until Clary could no longer keep her eyes open. She drifted peacefully into a deep sleep, not even waking when Isabelle threw herself heavily into bed.

She did, however, wake up the next morning to the sound of someone vomiting heavily.

"Izzy." She said groggily, throwing the sheets off of her and padding to the ensuite; Isabelle was leant over the toilet retching, and Clary sighed. Isabelle groaned in response.

"Delayed hangover." Isabelle said as the watery sunlight filtered into the room, and Clary laughed.

"I'll get you some water- stay over the toilet." She said with a roll of her eyes, and she wandered down to the kitchen to grab her a glass of water; it was only just past seven and no one was up yet, so Clary was surprised to see Jace with a huge bag on his back, tapping at his phone and standing by the door. He looked up sleepily when he saw her.

"Are you off?" Clary asked, and he nodded.

"I'll be back soon enough; you know I hate goodbyes, I thought I would slip out before the nerd can rope me into any more family get togethers." He said, and Clary grinned, pulling him in for a hug.

"Okay, well call me when you're back; the gang are all coming to mine next weekend and my mom will be there- I know she would love to see you." She said, and he nodded.

"Will do, boss. And please, for me darling Clary, no more smoking." He said, and she blushed.

"I still don't know how you knew- no one else has noticed." She said tucking her hair behind her ear. He reached out, pulling the hair gently out again, his palm resting on her chin.

"I know you, Clary. I always notice." He said quietly, then pulled back with an impish grin and opened the door, shooting her his signature smile before walking out. She watched him go, slightly transfixed, then turned to the kitchen to get Izzy her water, returning to the forlorn sight of Isabelle on the floor of the bathroom.

"Oh Iz… when will you learn." She said, stroking her friend's hair as she sipped her water.

"I promise I only had one mimosa yesterday… I probably overdid it on Saturday." Isabelle groaned, and Clary laughed.

"You were pretty far gone. Look, I'm going to have to head home in a bit- Seb is expecting me and I have a few bits of paperwork to hand into the school tomorrow, but after that I'm all yours." Clary said, and Isabelle grinned despite herself.

"We are going to have so much fun this summer." She said, and Clary laughed.

"I'm foreseeing a lot of stress."

"Alright, Dorathea, don't get psychic on me. It's gonna be fun."

Clary couldn't help but agree and she kicked Isabelle out of the shower, leaving with a smile on her face an hour later.

…

"Seb!" She called, clanking her keys as she entered her house. "Are you here?" She asked, and there was no reply; she sighed. Sebastian was a solicitor, and worked for Alec's marketing firm, but that meant he was often pulled away at random hours to deal with something or another- but it also meant he also had a lot of free time. She had hoped that today he would have time to spare, because the desperate need to talk to him was ripping through her; she wasn't in luck. She dumped her keys in the tray by the door and decided to get some jobs done; if the house was clean and there was a nice meal waiting then Seb would be much happier.

She set to work running two loads of laundry, stacking plates from the dishwasher, dusting every inch that she could reach. By the time five o clock rolled around she had a lasagne in the oven, drawers filled with freshly washed clothes, and was sipping wine at the table as she idly sketched out an image of Isabelle in a wedding dress. When she heard keys in the lock she felt nervousness well up inside of her.

"Hello?" A voice called out, and Clary got up, walking to the hallway to meet him; he was in his work suit, tie hanging loose, and there was an anxious look in his eyes. When he saw her he dropped his briefcase and walked toward her, pulling her into a hug.

"God, I'm so glad you're back." He said, and Clary melted into him when she realised he wasn't angry. She sighed.

"I'm sorry, Seb." She whispered, and he pulled back.

"No, I'm sorry." He said, cupping her face. "I feel like such a shit; I was horrible to you. I thought, when you didn't call." He looked down, gulping. "I thought you weren't coming back." He said, and she hugged him again.

"Of course I was- I love you." She said tightly, and he smiled at her as they went into the kitchen. "But Seb-" She started. "I'm gonna be busy these next few weeks, with Izzy's wedding and my art class down at the Youth Centre, I know I'm on holiday but I'm not going to be around all the time." Clary finished, leaning against the door and folding her arms. Sebastian groaned, sitting in her seat and taking a sip of her wine.

"I know; I was being stupid at the party. I just… I love you so much it makes me do crazy things." He sighed, running a hand through his hair; Clary watched him carefully. Sometimes it was like she was dating two different people- the Sebastian that made her laugh, that liked to watch old movies with her and cooked her fancy meals on her birthday. And the Sebastian that would ignore her for days, making her so frustrated all she could do is cry.

"Okay… Just… it makes me feel like shit. And I can't keep putting up with it." She sighed heavily, and Sebastian's black eyes were watching her.

"Don't leave me." He said. Clary's eyes widened, and she walked toward him, placing her hands on his shoulders.

"I'm not! I wouldn't… I'm just saying." She said, stroking his face, and he leaned into her palm. She knew now that the conversation was over; there would be getting nothing else out of him but apologies; sometimes she didn't want apologies, she wanted answers. He smiled sadly at her, and she returned it with equal wariness.

"Lasagne for dinner?" She said carefully and he grinned.

"I don't deserve you."

…..

Clary tried not to burn out the clutch of her old truck as she made her way back to Izzy's house the next Friday; she had dropped off her paperwork to school, called her mother and cleaned her house, and no she was ready to begin the first day of the longest summer of her life; planning Izzy's wedding would be no small feat, and already she had been sent a thousand pins on Pinterest from Isabelle in her excited state. She had spent the past week getting her life back in order from the chaotic school year, and now she was finally free to relax with her best friend. Maryse had gone out of town, staying with a family friend in the Cotswolds, and Clary was making her way to Isabelle's own house, rather than Mrs Lightwood's.

Clary loved Maryse's house, but she had to admit that she loved Isabelle's home even more. It was smaller- a lot smaller than the mansion Maryse wandered, but it was stylish and modern and always warm; even in the early summer England was never warm, but the chill in the air gave way to watery sunshine that lit up Izzy and Simon's small house in a way that made Clary jealous. The house was country style, three stories of warm brick with laces of roses and honeysuckle climbing the wall, only a sheet of leaves and buds in the current clime. Sebastian didn't like to garden, and Clary's house only had a stone patio, hard sliding door, and expensive metal furniture. She wanted a garden like Izzy's, with the sweet smell in the air. All she could smell in her garden was dust.

She pulled up in front of the house, pulling out her key and making her way to the house; Simon would be at work already, and knowing her Isabelle would probably still be wrapped up in bed, flicking through the television and waiting for Clary to come and get her a cup of coffee. Grinning as she slipped the key in the lock she pushed into the house, calling out as she made her way to the kitchen.

"Izzy, darling!" She said in a singsong voice, putting on the kettle and pulling out the milk. "Its me!"

The kettle sang happily on the hob as Clary set about making tea, picking up the mugs and heading to Izzy's room when she heard no reply.

"Iz?" She said, pushing through the door with her back; Isabelle wasn't in her bed, and setting down the mugs Clary walked back out into the corridor, confusion clouding her; Izzy had told her to come at this time, and her car was outside. Then she heard the retching.

"Isabelle!" Clary shouted, rushing to the bathroom and throwing open the door. Isabelle was sprawled on the floor, head hanging over the toilet bowl and she heaved into it. Clary sucked in a breath, suddenly remembering the night after the brunch, the same heaving.

"Oh my god." Clary said, a laugh rising in her throat. "You're not…"She asked, and Isabelle looked up to her with big brown eyes, flicking a plastic stick across the floor to Clary's feet. Clary picked it up, glancing at the little blue plus sign, wide eyed and shocked.

"I'm going to be a mum." Isabelle said, the sound echoing. And then she threw up again.

…..

"I can't believe this." Clary said, sipping on her third cup of tea, trying to calm her excitement. At first she had through that Isabelle was upset, unhappy with the events. But the second that she was showered and crunching on toast she was all smiles.

"You can't believe it; I'm going to get fat! How will I fit into that Vera Wang." She moaned forlornly, winking.

"Does Simon know yet?" Clary asked, and Isabelle shook her head.

"Poor bugger's been working day and night because of Jace's stupid project; if I don't see my fiancé soon I'm going to smack that blond bastard." Isabelle laughed, then sighed. "I don't know how to tell him; I don't know if he's going to be happy… He just got the company going, and the wedding- oh god, I don't even know how far along I am, I only took the test because my stomach started sticking out which means I'm already getting on…" Isabelle said, panicking, and Clary put a hand onto hers to calm her.

"Izzy, stop that. You know as well as I do that Simon is going to be over the moon about this; he loves kids." She said, trying not to choke up. "And he loves _you_." She said, and Isabelle grinned widely.

"Yes… and I love that stupid boy too. Oh I can't wait!" Isabelle squealed, jumping up dancing around in her slippers; Clary cackled, but inside there was a jealousy that was growing, rearing its ugly head as Isabelle danced.

"When will you tell him." Clary choked out, and Izzy waved her arms.

"Tonight, probably, I don't care about any of that faff. I just want him to know." She laughed, clapping and pulling out her laptop.

"Okay; things to do, darling. We have a wedding to plan." Isabelle grinned, and Clary smiled tightly as they began looking at Isabelle's plans.

Seven hours later she was leaving Isabelle's house with a wave and a kiss, hiding from Simon as he pulled into the drive. She climbed into her truck and drove home, the thought of Isabelle's unborn child being so loved already struck her in the chest, and as she pulled up in front of her house she found that she had very little will to go inside.

Sebastian was already home, sipping a beer in front of the telly when she walked in. Throwing off her shoes and jacked she padded over to him, curling into him on the sofa. He threw a careless arm around her, but it did nothing to soothe the ache in her chest. She could feel something building inside of her, a pain she couldn't recognise.

"How many kids do you want, Seb?" She asked quietly, flinching as he stiffened up. Don't say it… don't say it…

"Kids? Who said anything about kids." He said, the slight slur in his voice betraying his condition. She nodded slightly.

"Right." She slipped out from under his arm carefully, knowing that he would be too preoccupied to notice her.

Walking to the bathroom she locked the door, leaning against it and breathing heavily. And she waited for the sound of the TV to get louder before she finally let out the sobs that were bubbling up inside of her, holding a hand over her mouth as she cried, hot tears slipping into her mouth as she tried to hold in the ache; the ache for that feeling of love and comfort and excitement that Isabelle had. All she felt at the moment was… numb. Numbness that was gnawing away at her.

She heard the TV quieten and shoved a fist against her mouth, gasping back a sob and washing her face before opening the door and heading to her bedroom to change; glancing in the mirror she saw the redness around her eyes and on her cheeks and frowned. When did she turn into this girl?

A knock at the door shook her from her reverie and she pulled up her hair into a bun, walking past Sebastian's sleeping form and plucking the bottle from his hand as she passed, knowing he would be annoyed at the world if he woke in the morning to a beer stain on his sofa. The knocking continued, and Clary felt annoyance flare within her.

"Alright, I'm coming!" She yelled, flinging open the door, raising an eyebrow at the face that she was met with. "Jace?" She hissed, looking into his frowning face. "What're you doing here?" She asked, and Jace held out an arm.

"There's been an accident."

….

 **Take it easy kids- the update for Cigarette Burns is ready, I just need to tweak it. Thank you so much for the response to this- I'm so excited for this story, let me know what you're thinking so far- your reviews make my day! Until the next update, read, review and enjoy!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: The Beast of Bad Decisions**

' _Every moment happens twice: inside and outside, and they are two different histories.'_

There are a number of things that run through a person's head when they find out their best friend is in hospital, and as Jace drove Clary toward St. Mary's in Simon's car all she could think was that she couldn't remember the first time she met Simon. She could remember every big moment in their relationship, every fight, every birthday. But she couldn't remember how they met.

"What happened…?" Clary asked carefully as Jace gripped the wheel. He swallowed heavily.

"It was my fault. We were at the gym, and this guy was fitting some equipment… it fell on Simon. He wasn't even supposed to be there." Jace hissed, and Clary placed a hand on his arm.

"Calm down, Jace. Just… Is he okay?" She asked again.

"He will be- he was knocked out and we had to call an ambulance, but they said… they said that he would be okay." He breathed heavily and felt the calm of her presence sweep over him.

"Oh Jace… it wasn't your fault." She said.

"When I told Izzy what happened she freaked out- she's at the hospital now." Jace said, and realisation struck Clary.

"You went to her house- I was there all day. She was going to tell Simon…" She trailed off and Jace looked to her.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing. Just, I was there - I left because I thought it was Si coming home. I'm guessing it was you in the truck." She sighed. "Is Izzy okay?"

"She's tough." He said blankly.

"I know you're still thinking it's your fault. It isn't. Did you drop equipment on him on purpose?" Clary asked, and Jace tried to smile.

"Clearly not, shortcake. But still... He shouldn't have been there."

"Well he was, so buck up- look, take the next exit and we can get there by the back entrance." Clary said, already unbuckling her belt, and the pair made the rest of the trip in silence as they wondered what they would be met with. Simon's mother didn't talk to him, not since he made the decision to leave the family business of accounting to open his own business, and his sister Rebecca lived in Manhattan. They were his family here.

As they pulled up to the hospital Clary checked her phone; she had left a slightly disgruntled Sebastian at home, telling him that she would rather ride with Jace, who she could tell was visibly shaken, so she wanted to be ready for anything he might say. Or be ready to tell him the worst.

Jace slipped his hand into hers as they made their way into the main entrance, and Clary tried not to think about it. He dragged her through the hospital and up three flights of stairs, only stopping at a small reception desk on the third floor that sat in front of two sets of doors.

"We're here to see Simon Lewis. He was brought in to A&E four hours ago, he got moved to the adults ward earlier." Jace said easily, leaning against the desk; Clary almost wanted to roll her eyes at the flirtatious grin on his face and the clearly flustered nurse, but remembered that on the other side of the door Simon was waiting. She tuned back into their conversation.

"I'm so sorry, our visiting hours are over- only family…" The poor nurse trailed of nervously as Jace rubbed his neck.

"I see- good thing this is his sister." Jace said, dragging Clary forward. She tried to protest, raising her eyebrows, but went with it if it meant she could see Simon. The nurse raised her eyebrow.

"Um…" The nurse began, but Jace smiled, glancing at her nametag.

"Oh, come on April. We won't be long."

And with that she melted, telling them he was in room 14 with Izzy, and that they had half an hour. Clary scoffed as they were buzzed through the door, rubbing the antibacterial wash into her palms as the smell of disinfectant hit her nose.

"That wasn't very nice." Clary said, looking for room 14. Jace laughed.

"I will do absolutely anything to see my best mate-"

"Even shamelessly flirt with the night nurse." Clary laughed. Jace's smile left his face as they approached the room Simon was in, and they entered as quietly as possible so as not to disturb the four other patients in the room. They all had their curtains closed, but at the end of the room Isabelle sat by the window, holding Simon's hand, his bed littered with books. Clary sighed in relief when her best friend glanced up and winked at her, and she hastily walked to his side.

"Simon!" She said, throwing her arms around him, drawing back at his wince. She sat down in the chair beside him and felt Jace draw the curtain around the four of them, enclosing them in a shroud of white. "Are you okay?" Clary asked, and Simon grinned.

"I am better than okay- they brought me three flavours of jelly. Three." He said, and Clary nearly cried with relief.

"I can't believe you call it jelly." Clary said, wiping under her eye. Simon reached out and grabbed her hand, his smile comforting.

"What can I say, my woman turned me." He laughed, and Isabelle smacked him with a magazine.

"Hey! Your 'woman' has ears." She said, rolling her eyes. Clary glanced at Izzy; she looked tired, her usually perfect hair swept into a messy ponytail. But as Clary glanced back at Simon, who was watching Isabelle too, she realised that maybe they were perfect for each other. Because even though Isabelle was tired, worried, and dressed like a fourteen year old chav from south London, Simon was looking at her like she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Clary smiled.

"I'm really glad you're okay, Si. How long are they keeping you here for?" She asked, and Simon shrugged.

"Only overnight- I think it's just to make sure I don't choke on my own vomit while I sleep."

Isabelle smacked him again, and Jace laughed. Clary had forgotten that he was there, and he and Isabelle shared a look. Isabelle kissed Simon's cheek carefully and stood up, motioning to Clary.

"We're going to get coffee- look after him Jace." Isabelle said, and Clary followed her silently out of the ward. When they had made it out to the main corridor, Isabelle slipped her arm into Clary's.

"He's gonna be fine." Isabelle said, and Clary nodded lamely. "Jace just… he needs a minute I think, to realise that it wasn't his fault."

"I tried explaining that to him, but he's stubborn." Clary said, and Isabelle nodded.

"Honestly, I'm glad he's back. I like having him close by; when he was in the city I didn't know what he was doing."

Clary nodded; Jace was one of her oldest friends. But Drunk Jace was a person that no one knew, and him being isolated in a city with no friends wasn't a great place for him to be.

"I'm glad he's coming back too- I missed him."

Isabelle shot her a knowing look.

"How does Sebastian feel about him being back?" Isabelle asked, and the way she was looking at her made Clary want to cry.

In fact, she did begin to cry, her tears fogging up the view of the white hallway. Isabelle quickly wrapped her arms around Clary, confused.

"Hey! Hey, c'mon. What's up?" Isabelle asked, rubbing her back soothingly. Clary shook her head, trying not to sob.

"I'm sorry, I'm being so stupid… I mean, you're the one whose fiancée in in the hospital… I just…" Clary sniffled, pulling back and wiping her eyes with her sleeve. "Sebastian said he doesn't want kids." Isabelle tucked a piece of hair behind Clary's ear gently, letting her talk. "It's so stupid, to be upset by it. He probably mentioned it before, it's just… What if I want kids? I feel like all I do is sacrifice for him." She looked at her hands. "I'm so unhappy."

Isabelle held her hand and forced her to walk with her, pulling them toward the cafeteria.

"Clary, babe, you know I love you like a sister. And I would give up my favourite pair of shoes for you to be happy, and I would never want to insult your judgement. But Sebastian isn't good for you."

Clary stopped in her tracks- she had heard this before. And usually, she zoned out so as not to hear her numerous friends insulting her boyfriend. But right now, right now it made more sense than she cared to admit.

"I know." She said as they made it to the cafeteria. "I know he isn't what I thought he was but-"

"You love him." Isabelle said, and Clary nodded. Isabelle walked up to the tired man behind the counter and ordered to coffees, passing the lukewarm drink to Clary and sitting at an empty table. Isabelle listened as Clary spoke quietly, hoping that at some point Clary would realise how much better she was than Sebastian.

"I'm going to talk to him tomorrow. Maybe, maybe if I reason with him, tell him what I need he'll listen. I know he loves me too."

Isabelle smiled a small, fake smile. If there was one thing she knew about Sebastian, it's that he wasn't a reasonable guy.

….

The next two weeks passed in a blur; Clary kept busy every day, trying to avoid having a proper conversation with her boyfriend; she taught her art class in the mornings, helped Izzy in the afternoons, checked in with her mother in the evenings, and tried to sleep before Sebastian got home. She cancelled the plans with her mother, not knowing whether to tell her the struggle she was having- she didn't want her to worry. But the more that she avoided her mother, the more attention she got from her. And it wasn't until her brother called her angrily did she realise how inconsiderate she was being.

"You actually cancelled on her? On our sick mother? Are you serious, Clare?" Jonathon said down the phone, his frustration evident. Clary dropped onto her couch, exhausted and emotionally drained.

"Jon… I'm, I'm having a hard time at the minute. I just needed a while to clear my head, assess the situation."

"Are you saying that our dying mother isn't having a hard time?" Clary gasped.

"Jon! I cant believe-"

"Oh, cut the shit. She knows, I know- you seem to be the only person that doesn't accept the fact that Mom isn't well, and she hasn't got long left."

"They said she had six months to live nearly a year ago." Clary said stubbornly, and Jon sighed down the phone. He was home in New York now, and Luke was back home with her mother. She could almost imagine Jon pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Clary… Let's not fight. I just called to tell you that you need to call mom ASAP and tell her you can have her to stay- she has some news, she misses you, and I am not going to be the buffer listening to her tell me how much she misses you anymore. I'm across an ocean now, and she may have Luke, but I don't want her to be alone."

"What news?" Clary said abruptly, and Jon sighed again.

"Call. Mom. Love you."

He hung up, leaving Clary with a sick sense of guilt- she wanted to call him back, tell him that she was struggling with her relationship. But he was half a world away and thoroughly annoyed with her, so instead she dialled her mother's number- she picked up on the first ring.

"Clary! Darling, how are you? I'm so looking forward to seeing you soon." Clary welled up, wiping at her eyes.

"Mom, I've missed you. I'm so, so sorry I had to cancel the other week, I've just been swamped with the community art class. But this week was the last week- do you think you can come over this weekend instead?"

Her mother squealed like a child and Clary grinned, tears dripping down her face.

"Of course I can! Let me just tell Luke, shall we come on Friday? Do you have enough food…"

Her mother began the typical mother-checklist, asking if she needed sheets or pillows or bread and milk. Clary laughed, shaking her head.

"All you need to do is bring yourself, and Luke. We'll make up the guest bed. Listen- Jon said you had some news, is everything okay?" Clary asked, and her mother's chat to Luke in the background went silent. "Mom? Is everything okay?" The panic in her voice was clear, and her mom was quick to interrupt.

"Oh, I'm fine darling. Honestly, I'll tell you on Friday."

"If you're sure."

"Of course I am! Listen, Luke is making dinner so I have to go, but I will see you on Friday- and tell Isabelle and Simon, I have an engagement present for them."

Clary laughed, trying to ease her discomfort, and said her goodbyes to her mother just as she heard keys in the door. Sebastian walked in, throwing his keys onto the table by the door and shrugging off his coat. Clary looked up.

"Hi, babe." She said, and Sebastian stopped in his tracks, turning back to look at her. "What?" She asked, and he raised an eyebrow.

"So you're talking to me now?" He said, and Clary frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"You've been ignoring me for two weeks, _babe._ " He kicked off his shoes. "I didn't realise you were even still living here. I though maybe you'd have fucked off with Herondale by now."

Clary gaped, her eyebrows raised, and stood up.

"You know what, I'm going to bed. We can talk when you're less pissed." She said unhappily, picking up her phone and making her way to her room.

"Oh, no." Sebastian stood in her way and grabbed her wrist as she tried to walk past. He squeezed, and Clary grimaced. "You wanted to talk, so let's talk. Where the hell have you been? It's like you don't want to be here anymore- are you done with me? Am I just going to wake up one day to find all of your stuff gone?" He asked, and Clary pushed at his chest.

"You know that's not the case, Sebastian. I've just been busy." She said, and he let go of her. She rubbed at her wrist and he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Busy with another guy?"

Clary held a hand to her forehead.

"That is not what I meant, Seb, and you know it. Stop twisting what I say and acting like an asshole."

At that comment Clary felt herself being pushed backward, her head hitting the wall hard, and she gasped in shock as the air left her lungs. Sebastian had one hand on her waist, one on the wall beside her face, and his face was so close Clary could almost smell the five and a half pints he had clearly consumed. She watched him, eyes wide, head aching.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Clary asked, trying to push him back. He stepped closer.

"No- you wanted to talk. So we talked. And if you're not hanging around with someone else, you can prove that you love me." He moved in to kiss her and Clary pushed him back.

"You're acting like a pig, and I don't have to prove anything to you." Clary hissed, pushing against his chest once more- to no avail. Sebastian moved his and up her body, closing her in, and Clary tried not to cringe when he kissed her; he wasn't himself when he was drunk. She kept repeating that to herself. But as his hand wandered further down, Clary couldn't just stand there anymore. She raised her hand, and with everything she had in her, she slapped him hard across the face. Sebastian stumbled back in surprise, and Clary could almost see the normal Sebastian return in his eyes.

"Clary…" He said softly, looking like a wounded animal. "I-"

"Save it." Clary said, pushing past him. "Sleep on the couch Sebastian. We'll talk tomorrow."

She made her way to the bedroom, throwing herself into bed and pulling the covers tight around her. Her wrist ached, and her head was banging- mostly from shock- and she tried to not cry as she closed her eyes, willing for sleep to make everything better.

The next morning, she awoke to the smell of cooking and she got up slowly. She hadn't drawn the curtains, and for once English weather had prevailed, the sunlight streaming happily through her window. Yawning away her fatigue she wrapped herself in her dressing gown and exited her room curiously; Sebastian was cooking. He never cooked.

"Clary! You're up- I was going to bring you breakfast in bed."

Clary sat at the kitchen table, rubbing her eyes as Sebastian placed a cup of coffee in front of her; she sipped it cautiously, trying not to grimace when she realised he had added milk instead of sugar. She smiled tentatively at him- and then she remembered the previous night, and the smile wiped from her face.

"We need to talk." She said to Sebastian, and he put down the spatula he was holding, turning to face her. There was a distressed look in his eyes, a guilty look, and his face was drawn.

"No. No, I need to talk; I am so, so sorry, Clary. I've been neglecting you, and last night I was just drunk, and upset, and-"

"Violent." Clary said firmly. "You pushed me up against the bloody wall, Seb. You were one step away from pushing my head straight through it."

He put his head in his hands.

"Please forgive me. I'll never drink a drop again if it means you'll forgive me." He moved to stand in front of her, getting on his knees on the floor, taking her hand. She brushed him ff and he grimaced. "Please Clary, I want us to go back to normal." She sighed, exhausted by his words.

"We haven't been 'normal' for a long time, Sebastian."

"I know, and I want to fix it. Please. I'll be home more-"

"Its not just you being here more- I think, maybe, we want different things." The look of shock on Sebastian's face was hard to mask, and he sat up, sitting in the chair opposite her.

"What do you mean." It didn't sound like a question.

"I mean… you don't want to get married. I do. You don't want kids and… I think I do. I want to stay close to my friends and family, and you are constantly talking about moving to Paris. We want different things." She said carefully, controlled. This was it.

Sebastian had his head in his hands. Then he looked up, running a hand through his hair.

"Why didn't you say any of this sooner!" He said, and Clary sighed.

"I didn't know how…" She whispered, and Sebastian looked up.

"I don't care about marriage, at all. But I love you, and if it's something you really want, then of course we can get married."

Clary looked up in shock.

"But… what about kids?" She said, and Sebastian looked at her in earnest.

"When did I say I don't want kids?" He said solemnly, and Clary stared at him.

"You definitely said it, the night of Simon's accident. I asked, and you shut me down." Sebastian frowned.

"I honestly don't remember that. I don't know what I want in the future, but what I do know is that I love you, and I want to be with you." Clary watched him solemnly.

"I don't want empty promises, Seb. I want a future."

"I can give you a future, you just have to forgive me; please, babe. I can't live without you. I need you- we can get married, have ten kids if that's what you want. I'll buy you the house next door to Izzy's. Please. Just forgive me."

Clary thought about the reality of the situation; he wasn't angry all the time. In fact, it was only really when he had a drink that he acted so badly, and for every time he had snapped at her, there were a hundred times that he had proved how much he loved her. Like when he took her to Greece as a graduation present, or when he sat with her for forty eight straight hours when her mother had collapsed and been rushed to emergency surgery nearly a year ago. Or when he had driven her all the way to Northampton the first time Jace had overdosed. He loved her.

"Please Clary, don't give up on me."

"Of course I forgive you. I still want to be with you, Seb… I just need to feel like we're actually _going_ somewhere."

"Whatever you need, Clary. Anything."

Clary smiled a small smile.

"Well, you could start by turning off the hob. I think the bacon's burnt."

…..

Isabelle groaned into her cards; they were at Clary and Sebastian's flat playing poker, and currently Luke was winning. His pile of chips was so high that he had to keep loaning some to Clary, who was more focused on cooking three thousand different dishes.

"Boom, three of a kind." Simon said, throwing down his hand, the three queens staring up at him languidly. He grinned, only to groan as Jocelyn put down her winning hand.

"As the kids say, boom."

Everyone laughed, and Luke collected the cards in.

"Ooh! Before I forget, Clary, will you be a dear and grab the green bag from the guest room?" Jocelyn said, and Clary rose from her seat, patting her mom's shoulder.

"Course, be right back."

There was a knock at the door and Sebastian got up from the make shift table to get it; the flat was probably only fit for four people at once, but considering the fact that everyone loved Jocelyn, she tended to draw a crowd.

"Here you go, mom." Clary said, placing a small bag in front of her other- the table wasn't set- instead they had pushed together the table from the spare room, the kitchen table, and the table from the front hall to fill up the living room with a suitable space to host a dinner party. Simon and Izzy were the first to arrive.

"Look who I found."

Sebastian returned to the room with Jace trailing behind him, a somewhat disgruntled look on his face, but as he saw the guests a smile immediately fixed to his face. Sebastian leant over clary, kissing the top of her head before heading into the kitchen. Isabelle shot Clary a meaningful look, and Clary smiled.

"Jocelyn!" Jace said, heading straight toward Clary's mom. Jocelyn smiled as Jace leant over her, not allowing her to get up, hugging her shoulders and kissing her cheek. Jocelyn laughed, pinching his cheek. Jace winked at Clary and shook Luke's hand before taking a seat beside Simon.

"No hello for your cousin?" Isabelle said, leaning over Simon to poke him, and Jace blew her a kiss, clapping Simon on the shoulder.

"Sorry Iz, I forgot that you were the centre of attention." Jace said, then turned back to Jocelyn. "What have I missed?" He asked, and Jocelyn patted his hand.

"Not much, darling. Luke and I are just wiping the floor with these kids." Jocelyn said, and everyone laughed.

"That's what I like to hear- is there anyone else coming?" Jace asked, taking off his jacket, and Clary shook her head.

"Maia said she would have loved to come but Jordan and her are busy tonight. They send their love, though."

"Ah, that's nice darling. How are they- is she still working with you, Isabelle?" Jocelyn asked, and Izzy nodded. "Oh, good- how is it going?"

"Really well, thanks. We just got a deal with the local shopping centre- they want us to open a second store."

"That's amazing! Well, this was supposed to be an engagement present, but I suppose it's also a congratulations."

Jocelyn pushed the small green bag across the table and Isabelle grinned, shooting Simon a curious look. Isabelle opened the bag and found two small boxes, one labelled for each of them. They both opened them at the same time, and Isabelle gasped.

"They're only small, and I did make them, so clearly they aren't much. But I thought they would compliment both of you…"

Isabelle turned the hairpin in her hand, in awe of the intricate piece; it was the shape of a peacock, a winding piece of metal imbedded with small green-blue shards. Simon had a pair of cufflinks, the same blue green colour, a twisted spiral shape. They both grinned.

"These are honestly beautiful, Jocelyn." Isabelle said. Simon nodded.

"I love them- I will never own another pair of cufflinks- do you see these Jace? Are you jealous?"

Clary laughed at the pair, and Jocelyn took the hand that Isabelle offered over the table.

"Truly, thank you."

"Oh, it's nothing dear, I just thought they were new, and blue. And the colour will go lovely with your complexion."

"You're right, they're perfect."

Sebastian came back into the room at that moment, and everyone helped to clear the table and set out the food, sitting down to a huge meal.

"Jesus, I didn't realise we were feeding the five thousand. How long have you been cooking?" Jace said, standing up to grab a hot plate of potatoes, and Clary blushed.

"She's been up all day- you're lucky she let me buy dessert. She was trying to bake bloody cakes at four in the morning." Sebastian said, and everyone laughed. Clary smiled at the group as she ate, unable to stop herself; it seemed as though everything had changed for the better in a matter of days- Sebastian already seemed like the guy she fell in love with again. And he hadn't had a drink since they talked.

And seeing her mother in her home, it made it feel more like a home. Like she was meant to be there. They finished dinner slowly, and by the time the plates were piled up on the kitchen counter everyone was high on laughter, Clary offering to make coffee as Isabelle pulled up the photos of her wedding dress, knowing the conversation all too well. Jace was on his feet too, ready to get away from the bride to be.

"Your mom is looking good." Jace said quietly as Clary boiled the kettle, moving the plates to the dishwasher. Clary grinned.

"Don't hit on my mom, Jace." She said, and he rolled his eyes.

"Har-har. Very funny; but seriously, she seems so happy." Clary smiled.

"Yeah, she does. I think she's kind of in her element, despite being sick. She always wanted a big family, and you guys feel like family."

"Oh, I'm blushing, shortcake." He replied, and she once again swatted him with a tea towel. He began to pour out the coffees and handed one to Clary as he loaded the rest onto a tray. She sniffed it, then took a sip. She looked at him in surprise. He raised his eyebrows, golden eyes glossy with tiredness.

"What?" He asked, and she raised an eyebrow.

"It's got two sugars." She said, and he laughed.

"Yeah, sugar queen, so what…?"

"How did you know?" Jace raised his own eyebrows at this, nearly laughing.

"Clary, you were the weird American kid that drank coffee at the age of fifteen. Anyone that's known you ten minutes knows you're partial to coffee that tastes like bloody biscuits." He said, laughing, and she grinned.

But inside, she could feel a small spark of hope begin to blow out.

"Okay, okay. At least mine isn't a milkshake." She laughed at his pale- cream coloured drink, and he laughed. Then he stopped.

"Did you burn yourself?" He asked, setting down the tray, reaching out for Clary's wrist, and she immediately pulled back. He stopped, confused, and she glanced down at the red mark on her wrist, her reminder that Sebastian wasn't always the person that could easily charm her mother.

"Oh, yeah… on my curlers." She said nonchalantly, pulling down her sleeve. Jace stared at her wrist a moment longer, the smile in his eyes gone.

"Weird that… seeing as your hair is as curly as it is red." He said, but he could tell she wasn't having it, so picked up the tray, leaving the kitchen and greeting everyone again. Clary took a minute to compose herself, then made her way out as well.

"Okay, Simon and I have an announcement." Isabelle said, putting her photos of dresses away.

"We know Izzy… you're getting married." Jace said, rolling his eyes, and Clary smiled. Winking at Izzy.

"Shut up, Jace- this is important. Simon and I… are going to have a baby!" Isabelle exclaimed, and everyone was lost for words. Until Jocelyn squealed, standing up for the first time in hours, moving to give Isabelle a tight hug. Luke, a man of few words, grinned and gave Simon a pat on the back. Sebastian clapped, wrapping an arm around Clary's shoulders. She grinned, leaning into his shoulder.

Congratulations went on for a long time, Jace seemingly the most excited.

"I'm one hundred percent the godfather, no doubt, I'm a great role model- have you considered Jace as a name? It could work for a girl…"

It was past midnight by the time everyone left, and after cleaning up the table and putting away the extra tables, Sebastian and Luke agreed to do the dishes while Clary sat with her mother. And it was over lukewarm coffee and nearly stale vanilla cake that Clary heard the worst news of her life.

"Okay… so, your brother mentioned that I have some news." Jocelyn said, and Clary nodded, brushing the crumbs from her lap.

"Yeah, what's going on? Is everything okay?" She said carefully, and Jocelyn pulled Clary's hands into her own, holding them firmly.

"I need you to listen to me, okay. Because I have to know you're going to be strong for me."

Clary felt her blood run cold, but she nodded solemnly.

"I had a check a few weeks ago. I'd been having headaches, and my medication wasn't working…"

Clary wished that she was still a kid. If she was, she could cover her ears and pretend that she wasn't there, close her eyes and be safe, looked after.

"I have a tumour in my brain. And it looks as though the cancer finally fought back- it spread further than I had realised."

Deep breath. Keep breathing. Just… keep breathing.

"They think I have about a month… maybe less. I'm moving into a hospice next Thursday."

There goes the band aid. And despite the fact that Clary wasn't a child anymore, as she began to finally break down in tears her mother opened her arms and held her like a child, whispering soothing words to her daughter as the reality settled around her.

 **A/N: Once again, I apologise for the wait. And also the lack of editing. Who knows what I was thinking?- ps I had to reupload this due to some mistakes I couldn't handle- read, review and enjoy!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: Blessed are the Dead

' _You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down. If there is a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, you must be the one to write it. If you surrendered to the air, you could ride it.'- Morrison_

When she was younger, Clary's mother used to be the only person that knew how to cheer her up. A plate of huge pancakes, drenched in syrup, served to Clary in her pyjamas. When she was fourteen and they moved to the UK her mom had tried to learn how to make the thin kind of pancakes, the kind you fill with sugar and roll up, and she had ruined multiple frying pans.

But as, a week after her mother had moved into the hospice, Clary was standing at the stove trying to make pancakes, not even her favourite sweet treat could stop her from crying. She stood in her kitchen, tears streaming down her face, unsure if she would ever feel better. She had spent the past week moving her mother into her room, Luke by her side every step of the way- he was a man of few words, but he didn't need to speak for Clary to see the pain in his eyes.

Clary turned off the hob, sizzling pancake batter turning to coal in the hot pan, and she tried to stop her sobs when she heard a knock at the door. She knew it wasn't going to be Sebastian- he had been sent on a business trip to Paris, and although he had tried to call her every night, making sure she was okay, he felt a million miles away. And his last call had been to tell her that he might be gone an extra week. Or two.

So opening the door she was surprised to see Jace on the other side, his face tired and hair a mess. He looked up as she opened the door, and the second that he saw her look he held open his arms, letting her fall into them and embracing her tightly, holding her together.

"Izzy said you didn't come over, and I know Verlac isn't here. She told me about your mum." Jace whispered carefully, rubbing her back. He smelled like summertime, like youth, like home. And the thought was making her cry harder.

"Shh… It's okay… you're gonna be okay…"

Jace just held her, and it felt like hours before Clary finally came asway with a hiccup, wiping at her eyes. She let him not the flat, closing the door behind her and following him into the kitchen where he was, typically, making tea. Clary watched him in her kitchen, thinking that this was the safest that she had felt in a long time, and Jace looked up at her. She was leant against the doorframe, hair pulled back, face pale and drawn. She didn't look like herself.

"How is she?" Jace asked, and Clary sighed, slumping at the table.

"She's freaking ecstatic… she made friends with the on call nurse, the night nurse, the receptionist. She's loving it… she's loving dying…" Clary's voice broke off as she said it, tears coming hot and heavy again. Jace placed a mug in front of her and sat opposite, holding her hand.

"Clary…"

"No, I know… this is good, she's taken care of. But the way they phrase it, the way they name the facility… I put my mom into end of life care and I'm expected to be okay with that? Like signing that cheque means I'm okay with her dying? I just… I can't accept this. I can't do it."

Jace rubbed her hand carefully and watched her with tired eyes. He always had a way of making her feel calm.

"Sometimes being content is better than being sad." Jace said quietly, and Clary sighed.

"I know… I know I sound unreasonable, I'm being unreasonable. But what the hell am I supposed to do? I never thought I would have to do something like this… end of life care…" She whispered.

He sat with her for what felt like hours, rubbing her back, just letting her be. And then he got up.

"I'm under strict instructions to bring you to Izzy's. She wants you to stay with them while… Sebastian is in Paris. I'll help you pack a bag…" He trailed off, pulling back and sniffing her hair. "What's that smell?" He said, and she let herself laugh in reply.

"I cremated some pancakes." She laughed, wiping under her eyes again. She saw the look in his eyes. "No more smoking, I promise. Seb's not even here anyway."

Jace tried not to cringe; it always seemed that Sebastian wasn't present at the most important times, it was his prerogative to bail when things got tough. Instead of commenting he just wiped lightly under her eye and smiled.

"Like I said, you're staying at Izzy's til he gets back. She wants to have dinner at hers tonight with Maia and Jordan too." He sighed at her expression. "She wants you to know you aren't alone."

Clary tried to smile, a wet look.

"I know I'm not alone, Jace. I'm so lucky- I'm so lucky to have you." She reached out and wrapped him in another hug. "I just need a minute to get over this."

Jace let her make him a cup of coffee, the sat patiently as she packed a bag. He had never liked this house; he had only visited a few times over the years, and every time he came back it had more and more of Sebastian, and less of Clary. The sharp corners, leather furniture. The lack of art on the wall. Clary had always been so full of life; he had helped her decorate her halls at uni, and everyone was always scared by the amount of colour on her walls, the weird pieces of art that her mother would send her. Here, in the absence of Clary, there was only dark colours and muted tones. He hated it.

"I'm ready." Clary said carefully, carrying a suitcase and a backpack. Izzy always had a room made up for her- something she guessed would change when the baby came- but she was looking forward to staying in a place where she always felt love.

The drive to Simon and Isabelle's was filled with comfortable silence; Jace had the worst CD's, but Clary didn't mind. And when they arrived at the house, Clary was immediately greeted by a warm embrace of her best friends.

"C'mon, Simon bought your favourite donuts." Isabelle said, wrapping her in a hug and leading her to the door as Jace grabbed the suitcase.

"I guess I'll deal with the luggage." He shouted, and Isabelle laughed.

"Hell yeah you will, best man, get on with it." She grinned, leading Clary to the kitchen table. "You doing okay?" She asked Clary, and Clary grimaced.

"I'm fine, Iz, really. I'm big girling it. How are you- how's our little bun?" Clary said, putting on a smile and leaning back in her chair as Isabelle made tea.

"Bun? Jesus Christ you've been talking to Simon too much. But its fine- doctor says all's good, it sstill early days."

"How about Simon, is he all good too?"

"Yeah, yeah- he's fine. He still won't stop trying to do things at the gym though, but that's Jace's problem."

"What's my problem?" Jace said, appearing in the door. He ushered Isabelle into a seat around the table and took over the tea making himself.

"Just Simon and his ability to fall over his own feet." Isabelle said, watching Clary carefully. "When's Jon getting here?" She asked Clary, and she leant her head in her hand.

"He said he would come as soon as he could. I think he's struggling with work and travelling, but he'll be here soon. He doesn't want to—" She stopped for a second. "He doesn't want to miss her."

Isabelle took her hand, and Jace placed tea on the table, the cousins sharing a look. They could tell that she was struggling, trying to hold everything together all at once while trying to hold herself together. They needed to keep her going, keep her distracted. Because these next few weeks were going to be hard. Isabelle pulled her wedding scrapbook from the sideboard, and immediately launched into her spiel; Clary let Jace hold her hand, and Isabelle managed to spend the whole day distracting the both of them while simultaneously having them plan her wedding.

Simon arrived home to the three of them balancing white sheets carefully across Isabelle in an attempt to imitate a veil and train, Clary and Jace laughing madly.

"Wow, is that the Vera Wang?" Simon mocked as he took off his coat, carefully kissing his fiancée on the cheek, her trying not to dislodge their creation.

Clary cackled from her place on the floor, somewhat drunk on the carefree feeling her friends gave her, and the four donuts that she had consumed.

"You okay, red." Simon said, nudging her with his toe before taking a seat on the sofa next to Jace.

"Peachy, Lewis. We get to do your suit next." She grinned, and Isabelle clapped her hands, dislodging the sheets that were hung across her and leaving them fluttering around Clary, who scrambled to uncover herself from the mess.

"Hey!" She yelled, and Isabelle laughed, pulling her from the ground. "Oh no, it actually looked so good!" Clary said, brushing herself off. Isabelle shook her head and raised an eyebrow.

"It absolutely did not. If my wedding dress looks anything like this then you have permission to burn it."

Clary sat herself down on the sofa just as the doorbell rang, leaning her head against Jace as Simon got up to answer the door and Izzy continued to wrap blankets around herself, giggling.

"Pregnancy has turned her into a proper weirdo…" Jace said, turning to look at Clary. His face was close to hers, his arm slung casually over the back of the sofa. She liked being close to him, seeing him smile. He flashed his perfect grin, and Clary blinked, realising she'd been staring.

"Hello, darlings!"

Clary turned away from Jace and shook her head, putting a smile on as Magnus, Alec, Jordan, and Maia all walked through the door, the latter pair carrying bags of Chinese take away.

"How are you?" Magnus whispered in Clary's ear as she got up and wrapped her in a tight hug. Clary smiled lightly.

"I'm doing okay… How much take away did you get?" She said louder, wrapping Maia in a one-armed hug whilst trying to sneak a peak at the take-out. Maia swatted at her, and Clary looked over to Alec, slightly surprised. Sebastian had said their entire firm was in Paris for a bi-annual convention, and considering Alec was a co-partner at their solicitor's firm, it made little sense for him to be here.

She waited for everyone else to filter into the kitchen, everyone eager to get Isabelle sitting down and set the table for her, and then pulled Alec to the side.

"Hey, you doing okay?" Alec asked gently, hands in his pockets in his usual stoic demeanour. Clary smiled and nodded, checking that no one was listening before she spoke.

"Yeah, I'm okay… it's just… how come you're still here? I thought there was a convention. Seb said that it couldn't wait- he's abroad for the next week…" She asked quietly, chewing on her lip. Alec frowned. It was moments like this that he wondered why his husband ever left him alone. Because the look on his childhood friend's face told him that what he was about to tell her wouldn't end in anything good.

"Clary… look…"

Clary shut her eyes.

"Oh, god." She whispered, leaning her back against the wall. "Please tell me that you're just missing this one. Please tell me I'm not just an idiot whose boyfriend spends half of our relationship across the world with god know who."

She felt a hand on her shoulder and opened her eyes to see a look of sympathy in Alec's icy blue eyes. He wouldn't lie to her; he couldn't.

"I'm so sorry, Clary… I can call Santiago, ask if maybe there's something I don't know about? But…" She shut her eyes again, knowing that he was just pulling at straws.

"It's okay… I shouldn't have been so stupid."

"Don't you dare say that." Alec said, surprising Clary with the anger in his tone. "Look, can we sit down." He led her back to the sofa, sitting down- rigid in his stature-, and ran a hand through his hair. Clary sat down carefully. She couldn't feel her hands… she couldn't really feel anything. It was like she had been submerged in water, cold and unyielding, suffocating. She looked at Alec, hearing his words. But not feeling them.

"There's been these rumours at the office… for a long time. I told everyone to knock it off, because of you, and Sebastian… I liked him. He seemed genuine, and you had been together so long I didn't think they could be true. And then, last year, with your mum- I didn't want to worry you with stupid rumours with everything you were going through."

"What were the rumours?" Clary whispered, clasping her hands. Alec sighed heavily.

"There's a woman that comes into the office now and then, goes straight to Sebastian's office. She's called Aline, and she's a saleswoman, I checked. But…"

"But…?" Clary prompted.

"But, she keeps coming back. And I never see her anywhere else but near his office. And we've never bought a single thing from her company."

Clary groaned, putting her head in her hands. Alec rubbed his forehead, putting an arm around his friend. He didn't know what to do in that moment, what to say to make it okay, Nothing would make it okay.

"What's going on?"

They both looked up at the sound of Jace's voice, the man standing in the doorway, a look of confusion on his face.

"Nothing!" Clary blurted, turning to look pointedly at Alec. "Nothing- we'll be in in a minute." She turned back and smiled at Jace; she knew he didn't buy it, that he could see straight through her. But the last thing she needed at this precise moment in time was everyone knowing about the scumbag that she had been sharing her life with for the past three years. He nodded once, then headed back to the kitchen, Clary turned back to Alec.

"Please, Alec. Don't tell anyone." He looked confused.

"Of course I won't. But you don't have to hide it, you've done nothing wrong." He said quietly, and Clary shook her head.

"I just don't want this to be my life, right now. I don't… I can't waste any more time thinking about him, or dealing with this. He's gone, and I'm here. The only person I'm going to worry about is my mom, and he can go screw himself."

Alec smiled slightly and stood up, helping Clary up too.

"I think that's the best thing you can do. I'm so sorry I didn't come to you sooner… I didn't want to hurt you, and you're hurt anyway."

Clary rubbed his arm.

"You didn't hurt me, Alec. At least you were being honest."

"You're worth so much more than him. A million times more." He said, and Clary smiled.

"Stop hitting on me, Alec, or I'll tell your husband." She laughed, and he finally smiled. They made their way to their friends, Alec feeling his guilt still weighing, and Clary finally knowing that the longest relationship she had depended on had been over for a long time.

…..

"Stop fidgeting." Clary said from her position on the plush, white sofa in the bridal shop, sipping on a glass of non- descript sparkling wine.

"I have a bump." Isabelle mourned, and Clary tried not to throw a pillow at her friend. Isabelle was currently trying on her twenty- third wedding dress, her immaculate figure clad in lacy white, her inky hair hung up in a messy bun. Clary firmly believed that her best friend looked perfect in every one of them, and Isabelle was convinced that each one was worse than the last. It had been a week since Clary moved in with Isabelle, and they were spending a shopping day in the city before heading back to spend the evening with Clary's mom.

"You do not have a bump. Like, at all." Clary said, and Isabelle examined herself in the mirror, running a hand over her flat stomach. "You aren't even due until next year!"

"I could get fat any minute now- Mum was so fat when she got pregnant with Max."

Clary grinned; Max was Isabelle's younger brother, and he was nearly half her age. Currently he was living with Robert, Isabelle's somewhat absent father, but he was one of the cutest people that Clary had ever met. But Robert lived in Switzerland with his new wife, and it was unlikely that he would be over for the wedding. Too much drama.

"How is Max?" Clary asked. She hadn't seen him in so long, and she watched the wistful look on her friend's face as she thought pf her younger brother.

"He's doing okay I think, but he and Dad are off on some skiing retreat, so he doesn't know about the baby yet. I bet he'll think its so cool though- he freaking adores Simon." She stroked her stomach gently. "I hope whatever is in here is like Max… that kid got the best of all of us."

"I'm sure 'whatever is in there' will be perfect." Clary laughed, and Isabelle grinned.

"Okay… next dress."

The rest of the day went by in a blur of champagne, white dresses, and an insane amount of walking around England's capital. Isabelle showed Clary the new location for her next boutique, and they had lunch with Magnus before heading home. Clary and Isabelle had bought a number of streams of ribbon, as well as mints and bags, and they were headed straight to the hospice to spend the evening making wedding favours with Jocelyn.

The train journey had Isabelle fast asleep, and Clary spent the time watching the world fly by out the window. It seemed that the past few weeks had landed her in a world that was upside down; her mother was dying, her brother was still working, unable to get home, and her boyfriend, the man that she couldn't help but love with every piece of her, had turned into a man she wished she would never have to see again.

"Hey…"

Clary was shaken from her reverie, Isabelle watching her intently. "You okay?" Her best friend asked, reaching out and clasping their hands. "You look like you're thinking hard… I can practically see smoke."

"Yeah… tired." Clary said, and Isabelle grinned.

"You're telling me- was I drooling?" She wiped at her mouth. "I think I was drooling."

Clary laughed.

"No drool, not yet anyway." She laughed, not looking her in the eye. The train announcement hailed their stop, and Clary and Isabelle got off, walking to the hospice in the evening warmth, a comfortable and safe conversation occupying them. When they arrived they signed themselves in, Clary holding her breath like she did every time, and then they made their way to her mother's room.

Nothing could ever have prepared Clary for seeing her mother in that room. It was separate from their lives, only just touching it, like two adjacent bubbles that were both threatening to burst at any moment. The care home had walls painted a sunny pale yellow, so even in the cooling twilight a golden glow fell across the place. And as Clary and Isabelle opened the door to her mother's room, they were struck by the vibrancy of it.

Jocelyn, on the first day she moved in, had had Clary string silk scarves from wall to wall, varying shades of technicolour. On each wall sat a piece of Clary's art, clashing ludicrously with each other. It was a mess- and Jocelyn loved it.

Sat at the centre of the chaos was Clary's mother. And her appearance was less than sunny.

"Hey mom." Clary said, fighting the lump in her throat. They entered the room and Clary sat down on one side of the bed, Isabelle on the other, both kissing the sickly woman on the cheek. Isabelle immediately dumped the bag of ribbons onto Jocelyn's lap, and proceeded to launch into another wedding spiel, explaining how much help she would need to get it all done in the next month.

Clary just watched her mother. A lot had changed in two weeks. All of her hair was gone now, replaced instead by a scarlet headscarf. It was beautiful, but contrasted so harshly with her pale, translucent skin that it made her look like a half-person. Her eyes, once the brightest Clary ever knew, were now dull, shadowed and tired.

Worst of all were the tubes, a central line as well as an IV, because everyone knew what was coming. That these were her last days, and she needed all the help that she could get. But she was still smiling, still wheezing out jokes.

"Clary?"

Clary looked over at Izzy, seeing her friend holding out a handful of silk bags and ribbon.

"Oh, sorry." She took the ribbon and the bags and jumped slightly when her mother reached for her hand. They were so cold, pale and almost blue. Clary smiled tightly.

"How are you, my darling?" Jocelyn asked, and Clary tried not to laugh.

"Me? I'm fine, Mom! How are you?"

This time Jocelyn did laugh. Then she coughed, hard, and pushed away the water that Isabelle offered her.

"Let's not do this." Jocelyn whispered, picking up a bag with shaky hands and placing in a handful of mints, tying the ribbon. "Let's just chat… have you started any new pieces yet this summer? I saw a gorgeous piece by Helen James in the Tate newsletter, you should go…"

Clary nodded along as her mother pushed through her news, Isabelle deftly filling bags of mints. Time in that room seemed to move so fast, and before she knew it they were being ushered out by a nurse, Jocelyn nodding off.

"I love you, Mom." Clary said as she left, kissing her mother's hand gently. Isabelle gathered their creations, and as they left she dropped one by the door.

"She'll need a favour too." Isabelle said, and Clary reached out to grasp her hand. They left to go home, the promise of hot chocolate and late night television to soothe their hearts a welcome temptation.

…

The next morning, Clary awoke early to the sounds of quiet chatter. She opened her blinds and let the morning air filter into her room; again she found herself jealous of Isabelle's garden, the smell of some sweet flower filling the room.

A knock came at her door, and Clary pulled on a dressing gown before calling out.

"Come in!" She shouted, pulling her messy hair up into a bun.

"Hey, short stuff."

Clary spun around; in her doorway, a real-life miracle, was her brother. Six-foot-stupidly tall, as blonde as she was red, hands shoved into his pockets and wearing his biggest grin, her brother. And she couldn't help but burst into tears.

"Jon!" She cried, flinging herself straight into his arms and letting him wrap her up tightly. He was wearing casual clothes for once, and for a minute she was thirteen years old, afraid of the boys in the year above and running to her brother for help. She was eighteen, moving into university and hugging her brother for the last time. She was a girl, alone in her pregnant best friend's bedroom, her mother dying, boyfriend absent, and longing for someone to help her. She had never been so happy to see anyone in her life.

"I am so happy to see you." Jon whispered into her hair, and Clary sniffed loudly. "Hey! No crying on the shirt- this damn thing cost me a fortune."

Clary laughed, pulling back and wiping her face with the back of her hand.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you're here! I've needed you so bad." Clary said, pulling at her stray hairs. Jonathon tucked the stray hairs behind her ear, smiling lightly.

"How was Mom? I haven't been able to reach her." He said carefully, and Clary looked down.

"I saw her yesterday, she's still going. Still fighting. Luke's always with her, he only checks in with the shop. When are you going to see her?" Clary asked, and Jonathon looked at his watch.

"As soon as visiting hours start. I think I'll stop by to see Luke first, maybe he'll come too." He said. Clary smiled.

"Her boys. I'm sure she'll like that."

She stared at her brother for a minute.

"I really am glad you're here, Jon. Things are getting bad. I think she needs us both."

"I know… Izzy was filling me in. You've been staying here a lot?"

Clary remembered that she hadn't told Jon about Sebastian's trip… and she didn't really want to, now that she suspected it was less than savoury. But she knew she would have to, eventually.

"Yeah… It helps me keep busy. Isabelle is a devil with the wedding planning." She grinned, and Jonathon laughed.

"I _bet._ "

They were interrupted by the sound of footsteps, and Isabelle appeared at the door.

"Sorry to interrupt, but your boyfriend is here."

Clary blanched.

"What?" She said, pulling her gown tighter. Isabelle shook her head.

"Uh uh, not yours. His." She looked pointedly at Jon, and the he pushed past Isabelle to rush down the stairs. Isabelle burst out laughing, grabbing Clary's hand and pulling her along too.

"No way, look what the cat dragged in!"

"The second most handsome Jonathon… I've missed you, Herondale."

Clary and Isabelle entered the kitchen to see a pair of grinning men, both shaking each other and clapping each other on the back. The girls leant against the doorframe, watching the pair.

"Why do boys shake each other?" Isabelle asked teasingly, drawing their attention.

"It's manly, Izzy, didn't you know?" Clary laughed, and Jonathon glared.

"I'll shake you in a minute." Jonathon said, and Jace tackled him in a hug, planting a kiss on his cheek.

"Is that good enough?" He asked, and Clary laughed as Jonathon shook him off, batting him away.

"Hey! No fighting in my kitchen." Isabelle said, moving to put the kettle on, and Jonathon looked at her shocked.

"I can't believe the words I just heard from Isabelle Lightwood's lips. Motherhood is changing you." Jonathon said, moving Isabelle out of the way and taking the mugs to make coffee from her. Isabelle grinned.

"It is."

They were interrupted by Clary's phone ringing from her pocket, and Clary quickly excused herself. Sebastian. She ran up the stairs and shut herself in her room, making sure the door was firmly closed before picking it up and holding it to her ear.

"Clare! You picked up."

Clary shut her eyes. She had avoided him for a whole week, and hearing his voice again, as though he were in the room, shook her.

"Hey, Seb. I've been busy."

"Right, right, look I just wanted to check in with you…" He started talking, but for the first time Clary wasn't hanging onto every word, wishing he were with her. She was listening to the background, trying to hear traffic, or meetings. Or a woman's voice. "Babe?"

"Oh, sorry, I missed that." Clary said. She heard Sebastian make a noise at the back of his throat, a noise he made when he was annoyed. She clenched her fists.

"I said, I might have to stay another week. Some of the board members want to meet with me."

Clary rolled her eyes. How did she used to believe this shit?

"You're joking." She said. She could almost feel the shocked look on his face.

"What, Clary? What do you want me to do?"

"What do I want? I want for you to actually be here, Sebastian. Be here, with me, while I'm struggling. I don't even know where you are right now, and my mom is dying. I needed you, and you fucked off. Like you always do."

"Don't say that, Clary—"

"What happened to, 'you'll do anything for me'? Was that just all talk?" Clary asked, clenching and unclenching her fists in frustration.

"No, babe, you know I love you…"

"What hotel are you at?" Clary blurted out suddenly. She hadn't wanted to do this, to have _this_ fight over the phone. But she couldn't help it.

"What?" He replied, something other than frustration lacing his tone.

"Where are you staying, in Paris? What hotel?" Clary repeated, and she heard him curse.

"Um… look, why are you asking."

"Tell me."

"Clary-"

"Or maybe I'll just ask your boss?"

"Clare—"

"Tell me, please." She whispered, and Sebastian sighed.

"La Vide." He murmured, and Clary took a mental note.

"Okay. Look, I have to go—"

"Clary, please don't hang up while you're angry—"

"Bye, Seb."

She hung up the phone, throwing it onto her bed before putting her head in her hands. She couldn't live like this anymore, not knowing. She had better things

"Clary…"

Clary looked up and saw Jace standing at the door, a strange look on his face.

"Jace." Clary said, pulling off her dressing gown and grabbing her clothes. "I need your help. Please. Can you take me somewhere?"

Jace watched her carefully, the tired look on her face and the sadness deep in her eyes.

"Of course. Anything."

….

Jace stood in the middle of Clary's bedroom, nose turned up, watching as his friend overturned piles of clothes, drawers, stacks of papers. She had made him drive her back to her house with out asking questions, and then stand back as she proceeded to wreck her own home.

"Clary, look, if you tell me what you're looking for…"

"I'll know it when I see it. Clary muttered, looking through Sebastian's bedside table. "Can you please just tell me what's in his coat pockets?" Clary asked, pointing over to the wardrobe as she continued to look through their desk. Jace grimaced; he would rather not look through another man's pockets, but the one person in the world that he couldn't say no to had asked it of him. So he did.

"There's nothing here, Clary." He said, moving from one blazer to the next. "Some gum, a few card slips, passport, receipt for… never mind—"

He stopped, looking up at Clary. She had stopped moving, back to him, and she was shaking.

"Clary…" He asked. She put her head in her hands.

"Passport." She laughed, and Jace looked at the small red book in his hand.

"Yeah," He opened the book. "Sebastian Verlac, born- shit, he's thirty?- oh. Oh—" He stopped again, realisation suddenly hitting him. Clary turned around, a look of almost mirth on her face.

"Tell me how he's in fucking Paris without a passport, Jace. How has he gone and done that? How can I be so dumb?" Her eyes were wild, lips trembling.

"Clary, don't…"

"I'm such an idiot!" Clary picked up a stack of books and threw them against the wall, the dull thud making Jace jump. He dropped the pile of crap he was holding and rushed forward, grabbing her hands. She shook at him, trying to get him off, and he just held on.

"Please, red, don't do this. Not over him."

She laughed bitterly at his words, hot tears welling up in her eyes.

"I think he's cheating in me, Jace. While my mom is dying, he's fucking some other woman."

Jace closed his eyes, wrapping his arms tightly around her. She let him hold her together again, trying to stop crying. He smelled like home, _felt_ likehome. This house she was in didn't feel like anything.

"Please, Clary. I can't stand it when you cry." He stroked her hair, rocking her gently, and Clary sucked in a breath.

"Sorry." She mumbled, and Jace cussed.

"Shit, don't apologise. You don't get it, red, the more you cry over him the more likely I am to break his neck the next time I see him, and I really don't want to go to jail." He said, and Clary laughed slightly, pulling back.

"Yeah, you wouldn't fare well in prison." She sniffed, and he glared.

"They would love me."

"Exactly." Clary said, laughing, and Jace rolled his eyes. Clary looked over his shoulder and caught a glimpse of the passport on the ground, and yet again was reminded of what the supposed love of her life had done. "At least he hates marriage." Clary murmured, and Jace followed her eye line.

"He didn't deserve you." Jace said firmly, and Clary looked around the room.

"I don't need this." She said, glancing at all the things in the room, all the things that no longer felt like hers. "You know, we've been together for nearly three years, Three years of my life. And all I feel right now is… relief."

"What will you do?" Jace asked, and Clary wiped her face.

"I'm going to see my mom. I'm going to help Isabelle plan her wedding. I'm going to paint," Clary said, closing her eyes. "And whenever Sebastian comes back, I'm going to leave him. I don't need this."

"Clary Verlac has a horrible ring to it, anyway." Jace said, and Clary smiled.

"Exactly."

The two left the house after putting everything back where it should be; it was a small relief, figuring out the truth, but it gave her the closure she needed to forget, just for a minute, about the pain that Sebastian had caused her. This had been coming for a long time. Too long.

Arriving at the hospice, she and Jace spent the rest of the day with Luke, Jon, and Jocelyn, Jon filling them in on their goings on. They were kicked out as the evening drew to a close, and they parted ways with Luke. Their stepfather was spending every minute buried in work, only stopping to see Jocelyn. They all knew that when Jocelyn passed, they would be left floating for a long time.

"Clary."

Clary waited behind as everyone else filtered from her mother's room and approached her mother. She had had a long, tiring day- they both had- and it was showing on both their faces. She grasped her mother's hand.

"I know something's happening. With you, with you all. But thank you for coming, and making sure Jon got here. I'm so glad you're together."

Clary smiled, patting her mother's hand.

"I am too. I missed him."

"Make sure he comes back." Jocelyn said, coughing harshly. "Make sure, when I'm gone, he come home. This is where we were a family."

Clary nodded, trying not to cry.

"Of course, Mom, I won't let him cut himself off. I promise."

"And you won't cut yourself off, either. You'll keep talking. Living. Painting."

Clary couldn't stop herself from tearing up then.

"I will. I promise."

Jocelyn coughed again, and Clary quickly grabbed the bucket that was by her bed.

"Stop, mom. I promise, we're all going to be okay. Missing you like crazy, but okay."

Jocelyn smiled.

"I love you." She mouthed, and Clary kissed her cheek lightly.

"I love you too."

She left her mother, feeling so much better for having seen her. Everything always seemed better after speaking with her mother. She met back up with her boys who were waiting at the entrance for her, then left for home.

There seemed to be a party going on back at Isabelle's when they arrived- Simon had arrived home, with him Alec and Magnus, and they were all waiting when they arrived. They were chatting, laughing, and Jonathon immediately was in his element.

Clary watched, feeling sentimental. This is how it always was, the gang, and watching everyone together made her think of their teenage years, holing up inside when they weren't doing something they shouldn't have been doing.

"I need to get something." She said suddenly, and everyone looked to her. She grinned. "I'll be right back, it's a surprise." Clary said, grabbing her keys and running from the house to her truck- under her bed she kept a box filled with photos, memorabilia. Tonight seemed like the perfect time to break it out- everyone was finally home.

By the time she reached her house the sun had fully set and the clouds had broken open to unleash a torrent of summer rain. Clary ran from her car to her front door, hastily unlocking it and slamming inside; although this house brought only a bitter taste to her mouth, she desperately wanted to relive better days tonight.

"I've been calling you."

Clary gasped, turning on the light and bathing the living room in a hazy glow.

"Sebastian."

….

Isabelle tried Clary's phone again, her and Jace in the kitchen cooking as Jon continued to entertain her brother and his husband.

"Nope, she didn't answer to me either." Isabelle said, stirring a pot of noodles. Jace sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"I wish she wouldn't do this, you know." Jace said, laughing slightly.

"Classic Clary, disappearing. Did she know we were making food?" She asked, laughing, and Jace grinned.

"Oh, definitely not, or she would have been here. What's she doing?" Jace asked, and Isabelle shrugged.

"She didn't say, as usually."

He sighed again. It was times like this when being sober really kicked his ass; Clary, one of the people that he cared about most in the whole world, was currently going through more than anyone ever should. And now she had disappeared.

"I could really use a drink." He sighed, and was instantly swatted by Isabelle's tea towel. "Hey!"

"It's called classical conditioning, I think." She laughed.

"Yeah, well it hurt." He pouted, and Isabelle just swatted at him again, much to his displeasure.

"Guys." They were interrupted by Alec, who stood on the doorway of the kitchen, running a hand through his hair. "Jonathon's on the phone."

Isabelle raised an eyebrow, but Jace immediately stood up. Isabelle dropped her towel.

"No..." She whispered. Alec rubbed his forehead.

"It's Luke."

 **A/N: Finally updated! Hope you enjoyed, please leave a review and let me know what you think, and apologies for any mistakes, I'm currently feeling very inspired and trying to work on all my stories, I'm trying not to let the quality slip but I'm desperate to get chapters out.**

 **P.S, sorry for the cliff hanger.  
**

**Big love.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: Evolution

' _But I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's, there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore! It's stupid! It's mortal and stupid! And, and Xander's crying and not talking, and, and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well Joyce will never have any more fruit punch, ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why.'_ - _Anya_

"Sebastian." Clary said slowly, taking in the image of her boyfriend, bottle in hand, previously having been sat in the dark. The second she walked in he looked up, eyes bloodshot, and put down his beer.

"Clary… thank god." He said, moving to get up. Clary put up a hand, feeling a flame of anger rise up in her.

"Don't—" She responded, gesturing for him to stay put. "Don't come near me, Sebastian. I'm just here to pick up something, then I'm gone."

"Clary, please, you have to listen to me. Earlier on the phone, I couldn't bear the fight we had, I had to come home, to you, I had to. I know you needed me." He stood up, taking a step closer, and Clary in return took a step back.

"You came home… from Paris." She spat, and Sebastian nodded sincerely.

"I care about you, Clary. I'd do anything for you."

He didn't come any closer, but Clary recognised a look on his face… a look that he always got whenever they argued like this. A look of victory. She laughed bitterly, then looked him in the eye.

"What's her name?" She asked quietly; something flashed behind his eyes.

"What… Look, babe, I don't know what you're on about. You're paranoid; you're upset, with everything, with Jocelyn—"

Clary broke, pointing her finger and trying to stop herself from snarling.

"Don't fucking mention her name, Sebastian. The only woman _you_ can talk about is Aline." Sebastian stumbled slightly, a glint in his eye. "Oh, yeah, that's right. I know all about 'Aline', whoever the fuck she is, Alec was sure to fill me in. Do you think I'm stupid? Is that it?" She asked heavily, trying to stop the tears that were welling up in her eyes. Sebastian was silent.

"I found your passport." Clary said, leaning back on one leg. "This morning. You told me you were in Paris, and I had your passport… How could you do this to me?" She finished with barely a whisper. "Say something!" She shouted, and Sebastian finally flinched.

"How could I do this to _you_? I didn't do anything! You're the one that fucking checked out, _Clarissa._ You never had time for me, I was always hanging onto you, trying to get you to pay me some fucking attention. At least Aline has time for me."

Clary huffed out a breath, hot tears finally spilling over, harsh sobs threatening to break her. It was one thing speculating. It was another to hear her name on his lips.

"My _mother_ was _sick!_ You bastard!" She picked up the nearest thing to her, a decorative bowl, and threw it at him; he ducked, cursing, and Clary just threw a sofa cushion. "My mom was dying and I didn't pay you enough _attention_? What the fuck is wrong with you!"

She put her head in her hands, sobbing, wanting this to be over. She didn't have time for this; she didn't have the heart for this, not anymore. She wiped at her eyes, ready to leave.

"Look, I'm going to—" She started to say. Instead she was cut off and gasped in shock as she was pushed backwards against the wall, Sebastian's arm at her throat.

" _Don't tell me you're leaving again_." He hissed malevolently, and Clary took in his manic expression, struggling, wide eyed with fear and clawing at his arm desperately. She couldn't breathe.

"Seb—Sebastian—" She choked out, scratching hard at is arm. He released her briefly before threading a hand into her hair and pulling her toward their bedroom, her dragging her feet, scrambling to stop him. Clary screamed, pushing against him, practically hearing strands of her hair pull from her scalp.

"Get the fuck off me!" She yelled, pulling against him. He reeled round, open palmed, and smacked her hard across the face.

She gasped, tripping on her own feet, winded and scared. She had never seen him, or anyone, like this before. She needed to call the police, call Isabelle, call _someone._ Sebastian's hit had pushed her to the ground and she tried to squirm to her feet; Sebastian caught her and flipped her over, kneeling on her, pinning her down and crushing her. Clary couldn't bring herself to look at his face; this was too real, too frightening, and he wasn't relenting.

She struggled against him; his hands were around her throat again, and Clary could feel something warm dripping into her mouth. She tried to scream again, but it only came out as a choke.

"Please, please!" Feeling around desperately Clary grasped onto a piece of ceramic from the broken bowl and swung it up wildly, catching Sebastian in the arm. He cried out and loosened his grip; Clary, now fearing for her life, pushed against him with everything she had and squirmed out from under him, struggling dizzily to her feet and looking around desperately for the phone. It was nowhere to be seen; instead, she grabbed another piece of ceramic and spun around, pointing it at Sebastian who was now on his feet and watching her.

"Why do you keep fucking _hurting me!_ " She wheezed out, trying to inch discreetly toward the door. Sebastian ran a hand through his hair; he was bleeding, like she was, and he too had tears pouring down his cheeks. He took a step forward, and Clary gripped her essentially useless piece of bowl.

"Stay away from me." She whispered, adrenaline and fear the only thing keeping her going.

"I can't lose you, Clary, don't you get that? You're _mine."_

Clary spat the blood that she now realised was from her aching nose and brandished the jagged piece of bowl like a weapon. She couldn't see her phone, but the door was behind her. She could leave.

"I'm not yours anymore. I loved you, Sebastian. So bad that it hurt, so badly that I gave up everything to make you happy. I made myself miserable loving you. I let you hurt me, over and over. And you _still_ fucked someone else."

He looked shocked taking another step toward her.

"Don't." He said menacingly, and Clary laughed.

"Or what? You'll hit me? Too late, Seb, you've already hurt me worse than anyone I've ever met. Don't make this worse." She whispered the final part, and Sebastian ran his hands through his hair again, slamming his fists against the wall in frustration. Clary couldn't take her eyes off him, not for fear that he would come toward her. She needed to find her phone, and the two of them stood staring at each other, neither sure of what the other would do, frozen in the stalemate of their crumbled relationship. Sebastian put his head in his hands, and for all Clary knew, he began to cry.

She didn't wait to find out; before he could look back up, she was gone, running from her home into the bleakness of the evening, grabbing her phone and her keys before Sebastian could move, trying to hold in her sobs.

…..

Clary didn't know what to do. She had pulled over, sobbing into her sweater and wiping away the blood on her nose, on her lip. Along her arm. She couldn't breathe anymore, she felt as though the whole world had come to a stop. Sebastian had been crazed. He could have killed her, he could have killed her and not cared. That's how crazy he had been. She gulped.

Before she could think of a way to go back to Isabelle's, to tell her what had happened, her phone rang. Jace's face flashed up onscreen, and Clary groaned, not wanting to explain just yet, not wanting what had just happened to be real. She sucked in a breath and picked up the phone anyway.

"Clary?" Jace's voice filled her truck, and Clary bit her lip. "Clary, where are you?" He asked, and Clary let out a breath.

"I'm… I'm on my way to Izzy's now. I just, I had to get something from my house…."

"It doesn't matter, look, you need to come to the hospice, okay? We're all here."

Clary felt her heart drop into her stomach.

"What." She whispered, and she could almost hear Jace running his hands through his hair. She dropped her phone into her lap, trembling.

"Jonathon got a call, it was Luke, he told us to come to the hospice… we've been trying to call you, but you weren't picking up…" Clary cursed herself, and Sebastian. Jace carried on. "Look, you just need to come, okay? We can explain everything. When you get here."

She knew exactly what was happening.

"Jace." She whispered, feeling hot panic rise within her. "I… I can't…"

"It's happening Clary. We're all here. We'll do it together."

…

The hospice wasn't the same as it was in the daytime; there was no Dusty Springfield playing, no smiles from the staff. No sunlight to light the walls up golden. Everything was grey, everything still and silent. Clary shook as she approached the front desk, the receptionist looking at her sympathetically as she told her her name, and then followed in silence as she was led to a room she had never been to before, into a small waiting room.

Everyone was there when she walked in; Isabelle, Jace, Simon, Magnus, Alec, and Jonathon all sat together in the waiting room. Luke was sat with his eyes closed near them, and as she entered, they all looked up. She was glad that she had taken a minute to straighten herself up in the car; she knew she would soon be bruised, but at least she wasn't bloodied and covered in snot. She convinced herself that she just looked worn out. And she was.

Jonathon immediately wrapped her up in his arms as she stumbled toward him, and she held back hot tears. Each of her friends followed suit, Clary pretending not to wince as they squeezed her hard, and she looked to Luke as she pulled away from Jace and sat down next to Izzy. She reached out for his hand, grasping it tightly. His grey eyes flashed.

"What happened?" She whispered to her stepfather, the only father she had ever known. He rubbed at his temple, then looked at her deeply.

"She had a stroke. Two. They… Your mother asked that she be taken off of life support after an event like this. We're here to say goodbye." He said, straight to the point, as he always had been. Clary put a hand to her mouth, feeling grief already wash over her.

This couldn't be happening.

"I… I…" She looked around at her friends, not sure what to say, not sure if she could say anything, and felt Isabelle wrap an arm tightly around her, stroking her face lightly.

"It's going to be okay… We're all here… Luke can explain properly in the morning."

Clary blinked at the words.

Would there be a morning? Could there be, without Jocelyn Fairchild? Would the sun even come up, knowing that it would have to come up to a new day without Clary's mom, a new day that would shed light onto a reality that Clary never thought she would have to live through? Clary didn't see how that could ever happen.

"Are you all here for Jocelyn?"

Clary stood up at the sound of the nurse, and everyone around her shifted. She let Luke introduce them all, gripping his hand as he did so, and knew that she would be forever grateful to him for everything he had done for her, and for taking charge at a time like this. Clary for once thanked the existence of this end of life facility, because once the nurse had explained to them the circumstance, they were all allowed to be filtered into a spacious white room; this wasn't her mother's room. It was medical, beeping monitors and wires the only signs of life. There was a small table with four chairs, four more chairs lined up by the door, as well as two large, lush chairs on either side of the bed that contained Jocelyn Fairchild. They could all be with her at the end.

At first Clary didn't want to look. But then she did.

Jocelyn was pale white, her arms bare and plugged with needles. She no longer had on her scarf, and her bald head was blue under the bright lights, exposed and translucent. Most disturbing to Clary was the tube that came out of her mother's trachea, leaving her slack mouthed, that lead to a respiratory machine, a strange and uncomfortable sight to see. Too undignified for a woman like Jocelyn. But at least her eyes were closed. As though she were asleep.

Clary sat herself in a chair by her mother and let everyone fall into their seats around Jocelyn; Jon beside her, gripping her hand, and Luke on the other side of the bed.

"Hi, Mom." Clary whispered carefully, and the world around her fell away.

For a moment it was just her, Jon, and Luke. They were sat around her bed; it was Mother's Day, and Jocelyn was opening a card that Clary had made for her from dyed feathers and carefully selected sequins. Jonathon was on his phone, pretending that he was too cool for the event, but blushed hard when his mother exclaimed that the set of earrings that he had gifted her by saving up four months' worth of babysitting money were the best pair she had ever owned.

Clary blinked, and she was back in the hospice. Jocelyn's breathing was loud, laboured, augmented. No one had said a word; she looked to Jon.

"Do you remember," She said, and Jonathon looked up. "Do you remember the pair of earrings you got for mom for Mother's Day, first year we lived in the Rosebush house?" She asked, and Jonathon smiled slightly.

"The ones that were missing a diamond?" Jonathon said, and Clary grinned.

"Yeah, those ones. Do you remember how she wore them everywhere, and everyone at Luke's thought that she was having an affair, because the only diamond she ever wore was the plastic one on her wedding ring?"

Luke smiled at this, and Jonathon laughed.

"No! I didn't know that."

Clary grinned, looking down at her mother's face.

"The kids that worked at the bookstore were _convinced_ , especially since they barely ever saw Mom and Luke together."

"Do you remember—" Jon countered, shifting in his seat to face Jace, who was leaning, arms crossed, on the opposite side of the room. "When Mom kicked Jace out of your bedroom on Halloween, the year you turned sixteen, because the two of you had fallen asleep watching Lord of the Rings and she thought that Jace was corrupting you? Do you remember that?"

Clary blushed hard, indeed remembering, and Jace leant his head against the wall.

"She _chased_ me out, I'll have you know. Feared for my bloody life that morning." He said, and everyone laughed. "She forgave me though; she said I was her favourite Jonathon." He joked smugly, catching Clary's eye, and Jonathon rolled his eyes.

"That was only because you sweet talked her." Jonathon replied sourly.

"I remember." Isabelle said, sat in a chair that she had pulled to the foot of the bed, Simon beside her with his arm wrapped protectively around her. "I also remember that she never forgot my birthday. Not in ten years; she always sent me a card in the post, even when I lived at home, because one time I told her I liked feeling like I was in Harry Potter." She finished, and Simon squeezed her shoulder. "Never once forgot."

"She was like that." Luke said, taking his wife's hand. "Love of my life."

Clary watched her stepfather's face, the look of unyielding affection making her want to cry. Everyone else already was.

"I owe her everything." Simon said suddenly, and she turned to him, seeing the tears stream silently down his face. Jace moved from the wall, patting his best friend's shoulder. He looked into Clary's eyes, a deep sadness there. "She gave me you." He said. Clary felt the lump in her throat rise, and Simon turned to Izzy. "And Clary gave me you, and Jace. She built a family for us all, and we didn't even know it." He looked back to Jocelyn, silent tears still streaming. "I owe you everything, Jocie, and we are all so much better for knowing you."

They all nodded, and Clary found herself holding onto Alec's hand, all of them joined in a chain of mutual affection, an unbroken circle, as they passed the rest of the night swapping stories of Jocelyn, of her life. Clary finally did start crying, the fact that the final moments she had with her mother were tainted by the actions of Sebastian, but also glad that she was finally surrounded by the people that she loved most.

Jocelyn Fairchild died at 6 o'clock the next morning, leaving the world as she had lived in it, loving unconditionally and being loved in return.

…..

"Clare…? Clare, which flowers?"

Clary jolted awake; she hadn't realised she had fallen asleep whilst sitting around the table at the funeral home. Isabelle took charge.

"We'd like white roses, and orange lilies." Isabelle said gently; Luke was sat next to the funeral director, a small, balding man with perpetually sympathetic look in his eyes. Luke nodded firmly.

Clary sat alone at the end of the table; it had only been a few days since her mother died, but she hadn't slept. At all. Jonathon had been forced to fly home to sort out his office, that way he would be free to return for the funeral, having as much time as he needed. Without him grounding her, sharing their twin pain, their matching loss, she felt untethered, like she was floating; because her mother had been in hospice care, the funeral was practically planned already, and with the help of the home they would be able to have the funeral as soon as possible. And although she was glad it would all be over soon, she just felt even more lost. Like she had no time to process anything.

Isabelle shot Clary a worried glance.

"Did you hear that Clary?" She said, and Clary once again furrowed her brows in frustration.

"What?" She asked, and Isabelle's lip quivered. She held back her tears.

"Would you like to say something, at the… funeral?"

Clary blanched, looking to Luke.

"I—"

"No, I'll read something." Luke said firmly, and he reached out to grip Clary's hand. "You don't have to do anything, okay? You don't have to say a word."

Clary nodded carefully, trying not to cry, and Luke nodded in understanding.

Both Isabelle and Luke currently had a difficult time looking at Clary; it was unfair, they knew it, but she currently looked so beaten down it was heart breaking. Not only did she look emotionally gone, but there was something about her, something that didn't look right. What they didn't know was that, beneath the two layers of foundation that Clary had been caking onto her face, there were a number of deep, painful bruises, across her cheek, her neck, her nose. She hadn't told anyone yet. She didn't want to burden anyone with the truth. She didn't want to acknowledge the truth herself.

"Okay…"

Clary zoned out the rest of the planning; she shook the funeral director's hand as she was ushered from the room, she accepted the package from the secretary, a collection of papers that detailed her mother's affairs, and she climbed silently into the car as Luke and Isabelle made to drive her home. Home.

Home.

Except, Clary wasn't sure she had a home anymore. She hadn't heard from Sebastian in days, which she was glad of. Jonathon had flown back to his home, too soon for her to be able to confess to him. And now she felt stuck. She could barely speak for her grief and confusion.

They arrived at Isabelle's house and Luke dropped the pair off, ready to go back home. Clary had offered to stay with him, but he had just smiled lightly and asked to be alone. She knew that, while they were all struggling, his grief was quiet and all consuming.

Isabelle tried to get her to talk, to eat. And when she couldn't, she kissed Clary's head gently and told her she needed to grab something from work, leaving Clary alone for the first time since her mother's death.

Clary walked carefully through Isabelle's house, up to the room she was staying in. And once she was finally there, the door shut, finally alone, she fell to her knees. She fell to her knees and began to sob.

She didn't know how long she was sat like that, crying her heart out, feeling her chest burn and her heart ache for her mother, and for Sebastian. She was so conflicted.

It wasn't until she felt a light hand on her shoulder that she realised she wasn't alone; jumping at the feeling Clary stumbled to her feet, turning around and wiping her eyes with her sleeve, being met with the sight of Jace; he hadn't seen her in two days. And Clary could almost see the fire rise within him as he took in her face.

Shit. Her tears and wiping at her face had rubbed off the makeup, and Clary could only imagine what she looked like. She sniffed back her tears, wincing at his expression, and Jace took it in, horrified.

"Clary…" He whispered, something burning within him. He took a step forward, holding onto her arms before wrapping an arm around her securely, inspecting her face. She didn't pull away. She didn't have the energy. She just let him hold her, gazing into his warm honey eyes, letting them numb her pain.

"What happened?" He breathed in horror, running his finger along her cheek, down her neck. Clary shivered.

"I…" She trailed off. "It…" She choked, letting her eyes fall shut. And then she finally said the truth. "Sebastian."

She felt Jace tense up, every muscle in his body freezing rigidly. She opened her eyes.

"He…" He began, leaning back slightly and tracing her face with his own eyes. "He… _he did this to you?"_ He hissed, and Clary flinched back. Jace just kept looking at her, letting her pull away from him as she took a step back, worried. He ran a hand roughly through his hair, then dragged it down his face. "He did this… to you. He… When?" He demanded, stepping toward her again. "When did this happen?" He asked, and Clary felt panic rise within her.

"That night. I went out to get some photos, and then, he was there… I told him I knew about the passport, about his cheating…" Jace watched her face crumple again, and he felt his heart break in two. "It just got so _bad_ this time _."_ Clary moaned, feeling her knees give out under her. Jace lunged forward, catching her in his arms, and held her as she cried, deep sobs wracking through her body, through his own as he held her. He stroked her hair gently, letting her soft strawberry smell calm him.

Because in that moment, he knew that he could kill Sebastian.

Clary slowly began to calm down, and eventually the pair were just sat on her bedroom floor, gripping onto one another as though each thought the other may disappear. Clary gave a final sniff, and then looked up into her friend's face. Jace watched her carefully, keeping his breathing even.

"Sorry…" Clary sniffed, rubbing at her face again. Jace shook his head.

"Don't. Don't ever apologise for him, okay? You don't deserve this… not with everything you've been through."

Clary nodded, moving out of his embrace, making it so that they were sat side by side against her bed. He still had an arm around her, and she was curled into his side. Jace bit his lip.

"You… you said it got bad _this_ time. Has he… ever…" He swallowed thickly. He couldn't even say it. "Has he hurt you before?" He said lowly. Clary looked at her hands, and he knew the answer. "Son of a bitch."

"No… I mean, it was never this bad. It was nothing, he just shoved me around when he was drunk. One time he choked me. But… it wasn't bad… I…" She could feel herself saying nonsense. She knew how crazy she sounded. And the look on Jace's face showed the truth. "Oh god… how could I be so fucking _stupid._ "

Jace squeezed her hand.

"You weren't stupid. He was. He _is._ And I'll kill him." Jace said, and Clary sucked in a breath.

"Don't say shit like that Jace. It's over now." She said, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I haven't even spoken to him since… well... since that night. I'm just waiting until I feel up to it to go and get my stuff." She said, and Jace scowled.

"Clary… you need to report him, he can't get away with this." He spat, and Clary leant back.

"He, I mean… It's not that bad! There's nothing to report…" She furrowed her brows. "I don't… I don't understand." She felt like she was about to be sick. "I don't know how to deal with this." She whispered, looking at her hands.

Jace tried not to let her see his lip shake.

"Look, you don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with…" He said. "But… Clary, what he did was illegal. He hurt you." He said, and Clary winced.

"People have it worse." She murmured, and Jace shifted to look her in the eye.

"No. Don't think like that. Look, I have a friend who works at the station, we can just go down now, file a report, be done with it."

Clary felt like someone had just poured cold water down her spine, and she struggled to take a breath.

"I can't." She said.

"You can. You can do anything. I know you can; I always have." He whispered, watching her. Clary took a deep breath, shutting her eyes. She thought about her mother, a woman who had run away from an abusive husband when she was only a young woman, saving her two children and giving them a good life, the best life. She owed it to her.

"Okay," Clary said, standing up shakily. Jace scrambled up, following suit. "I'll do it."

…..

Jace had been sure to send Isabelle a text as he and Clary entered the police station; when he had arrived at Isabelle's house earlier that day, he hadn't expected to find what he did. He definitely didn't think that he would end up sat across from Officer Levesque, or Bat as he was known by Jace, Clary making a statement about her abusive boyfriend.

When they arrived, Clary had been taken to have her photo taken by a friendly middle-aged lady, and Jace and Bat sat in the latter's office, Bat leaning back in his chair and Jace tried to hold himself together. He hadn't told Clary this, but he knew Bat from AA. And he was so glad that he was with a fellow addict, because at that moment all he wanted to do was drink.

"You did the right thing, man." Bat said to Jace, leaning forward on his desk and watching the man before him. Jace ran a hand down his face.

"Will she have to see him?" Jace asked quietly, looking to his friend. "She's been through so much, her mum died only a couple of days ago. And now…"

Bat shook his head, leaning back in his chair.

"If she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to. We do have enough for a civil case against him, with the previous accusations and the fact that Clary came in so soon. If he's a smart man he'll confess, and we can deal with this quickly. He'd be stupid to lie at this point."

Jace felt a hot flame of fury curl inside him and he put an elbow on Bat's desk, watching the calm expression on the scarred man's face stay fixed. He narrowed his eyes.

"What previous accusations." He asked lowly, and Bat stayed fixed in place. "Bat…" He pleaded, and his friend rubbed a hand to his temple, glancing furtively at the door.

"I shouldn't really be telling you, especially not without Clary here…" He said, but Jace knew he was about to explain. "But…Verlac. He has a past. There are a number of accusations from the past—" He checked a piece of paper that was in front of him. "Past five years, ish. A few minor assaults, I'm guessing pub fights, and a few complaints from other women. I can't go into detail, that would compromise the victims. But like I said, after this Clary doesn't ever have to see him again if she doesn't want to."

Jace let out a breath, trying to be happy that at least Clary could be done with him. But anger at himself that he had let this go on so long… that he hadn't noticed.

His mind flashed back to the dinner party at Clary's, the mark on her wrist, the way she flinched back. He swallowed thickly.

"Have you been to a meeting." Bat said quietly, watching his expression carefully. Jace bit his lip.

"Yeah. I've spent the past few days at meetings. I—" He felt the grief within him stir. "Clary… god, I love her. I love her, and she's hurting, and I couldn't see that. I couldn't see that, because watching Jocelyn die was hard enough. Seeing her in pain hurts me. I'm a coward." He said quietly.

Bat shook his head.

"No. You're doing the right thing. This situation is hard enough, don't beat yourself up for maintaining your sobriety. I learned a long time ago that a hard time is so much bloody harder when you can't have control of yourself."

Jace sighed, then smiled slightly.

"Thanks, Obi-Wan." He said, and Bat rolled his eyes.

"Take that advice, its free." He said. The lightness in the room was quenched as they heard voices, and Clary stepped into the office, the officer with her patting her back lightly before leaving. Jace stood up, taking her hand, and didn't let go as they sat down beside each other. As Bat began to explain the situation to her, Jace instead chose to watch her carefully. They had made her take off all the make up on her face, and now her bruises were borne to the world. Raw and purple, flowering across her milky skin like oil in water. She should never have to look like this, he thought. She never would again. He wouldn't let it happen.

He zoned back in as Bat stood, Clary standing too, dropping Jace's hand to shake Bat's. Jace stood up too.

"Thank you so much, Officer Levesque." Clary said quietly, brushing a strand of her behind her ear. "I… Thank you."

Bat shook his head.

"No need to thank me. What you did today was brave." He smiled warmly. "Now, we need a few days to process this, but when he is in custody, we'll give you a call. I'll also have an officer give you a call so that you can go and pick your belongings up from your home. You have somewhere to stay?" He asked, and Clary nodded. "Good. Take care, Clary. Let me know if you need anything," He glanced at Jace. "You too." He added, and Jace leant forward to grasp his hand in thanks. They left the room together, Jace guiding Clary, ignoring all the looks as they made their way back to Jace's car.

The moment Clary got in, she put her head in her hands and tried not to cry. Jace hurriedly got in too and turned to her, taking her hands.

"Hey, hey…" He whispered, stroking her cheek. "You did it. It's done." He said, and Clary bit her lip, taking a shaky breath. Jace could see the tears in her eyes.

"It's actually over." She breathed, and suddenly a smile broke across her face. She began to laugh, tipping her head back and laughing a strange laugh. Jace let her, let her let go, watching the tears begin to stream don her cheeks. She looked at him. "It's over." She said, eyes red. Jace looked at her carefully, noticing her trembling lip. She put a hand over her mouth. "How do I tell everyone?" She whispered. "How do I tell them how dumb I was—"

"No." Jace said firmly, gripping her hand. "We'll tell them together. We'll tell them that you wanted to see the good in a man who was never good enough for you, because that's the kind of decent person you are. And now you're free."

"Free." She whispered, glancing at his mouth. She met his gaze. "I wasted so much of myself on him." She said quietly. "I'm supposed to be helping deal with Mom… instead I'm a mess."

Jace stuck the key in the ignition and began to pull away, ready to take them back to Isabelle's.

"Would it help if I said I'm a mess too?" He asked, and Clary leant back in the warm leather.

"No. You're always a mess." She joked lightly, and Jace grinned, half in shock at the fact she had made a joke.

"Don't get rude, Fairchild. It's not becoming."

She grinned in her seat, watching Jace. She bit her lip.

"I don't know if I can ever get over losing her." Clary whispered. Jace tightened his hand on the steering wheel.

"No one's asking you to, Clare." He replied. "One day at a time, that's all it is. It _will_ get easier."

"I wish it was easy now." She mumbled, and Jace risked a glance her way. He shook his head.

"No. You don't wish it were easy; if it was easy, it would mean you didn't care as much as you do. Jocelyn loved you so freaking much. And she treated us all like family the moment we met her. It hurts so bad because her not being here is a bloody tragedy. But we all feel it. You aren't alone."

Clary rubbed at her eyes.

"When did you get so wise?" She muttered.

Jace didn't reply. He just turned on the radio and drove them both home; knowing that they were both ready for whatever was to come.

…

It turned out that telling Isabelle and Simon was the most difficult. Jace excused himself; Clary had asked him to tell Jonathon, and Alec and Magnus, that way she was spared some of the awful gut-wrenching sound of her friend's gasp at her bruised face. And Jon was one she couldn't do. But as she sat on Isabelle's sofa, her best friend wrapped in her arms, Simon pacing before them both, she thought maybe she should have taken Jonathon.

"I wish you'd said something, Clare. You didn't have to deal with this alone…" Isabelle whispered, their heads close together. Clary sighed.

"I put my head in the sand, Iz. It's been in there for a long time, and I've only just been able to see how bad it got. But it's over now." She said, and Isabelle tilted her head, gripping Clary's hand.

"I love you." Isabelle said, and Clary grinned

"I love you, too. I'm sorry I hid this. I just didn't know what to do."

"I'm glad Jace was there; he's always good in a crisis." Isabelle replied, and Clary smiled.

"Yeah. He is."

They both jumped as a sudden smashing noise was heard, and they turned to see Simon, hand lost in the cabinet he had just punched through. Clary gasped, standing up, and Jace came running into the room. Simon stood in shock.

"I'll tell her to call you later. Gotta go." Jace said to his phone, then approached Simon, Isabelle fluttering round him. "Can you pull your hand out?" He asked Simon. Simon blinked, then pulled his hand from the cabinet, leaving behind a fist sized hole in the thin wood.

He wasn't bleeding, but they all stared at his hand nonetheless.

"Ouch." He said, and Isabelle proceeded to smack his arm.

"I'll give you an 'ouch', what the fuck have you done that for?" She screeched, taking his hand carefully. Simon flicked his eyes to Clary.

"I—" He choked. "I _knew_ something was up. I knew he was a bastard, but… Jesus… I never thought that this would be what was going on… I—"

Clary took his hand, trying to stop the tears that were welling up behind his eyes.

"Hey, none of this is on you." She said, inspecting his hand. "Don't do this to yourself."

Simon gripped her hand tighter, and for a second the world slipped away. Jace gripped her other hand, also putting an arm around Isabelle, who was holding Simon's cheek. They were attached to one another, connected in a way that made them more than friends.

They broke apart as the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it." Isabelle said, placing a hand gently on her stomach and patting Simon's cheek. Jace left to the kitchen with Simon to check his hand, and Clary stared at the hole in their cabinet, brushing her fingers over the splintered wood.

"Biscuit." She heard a soft voice behind her and turned to face Magnus, who pulled her into a gentle hug. She smiled lightly.

"Hey, Mags." She said, looking over his shoulder to see Alec's blue eyes burning into hers. They shared a look before Magnus pulled away, stroking Clary's hair gently.

"You look magnificent, your hair is glowing." Magnus said, flicking her locks. Clary tried to hide her smile at his attempt to cheer her up, ignoring the obvious pain and looking past it. He had a way with words.

"Oh, stop." She said and let him step out of the way so that Alec could wrap her in a quick hug. He wasn't a very affectionate person, but for some reason it was his stiff embrace that felt so heavy, and she felt herself welling up.

"I talked to Aline, finally." Alec said against her hair, and Clary pulled away in shock.

"What, really?" She asked. She could feel Isabelle and Magnus' eyes on her, and in the back ground she could hear the kettle whistling. Alec nodded, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Yeah. She came in this morning and, I don't know, after everything with your Mum I just wanted the truth for you. She had no idea about you, by the way. Not that its any better. But she thought she was the only one. She was furious when I told her about him and said she would break up with him the next time she saw him… which I guess won't be for a long time." He finished, and Clary felt her eyes widen. She hadn't even realised Aline might just be innocent too, a victim of Sebastian's lies. She just hoped he's been kinder to Aline than he had been to her.

"Thanks, Alec… that… that actually helps. I'm just ready to move on now. I've got more important things to think about."

Alec nodded sincerely, then made his way to the kitchen with Magnus to say hello to Jace. Isabelle immediately pulled at her arm, dragging her to the sofa and turning on the telly, flicking her Netflix onto the cringiest chick-flick she could find.

"Now, we get to do this properly." Isabelle said. "You tell me whatever you need. We're all here for you. You never have to think about that vile bastard ever again; we're going to sit here, drink tea, watch shit on the telly, and we're going to cry. And then we are going to talk all about your Mum, because Simon and I found this."

She picked up a small book that was on the coffee table and handed it to Clary. The date was written across the book in Sharpie, dating it to ten years ago. Clary looked up to Isabelle's beautiful face as she swept her hair behind her shoulder, pulling a blanket from the side of the sofa and flapping it over both of them.

"What is this?" Clary asked, opening it up. "Oh…"

It was a book of photographs, from when they turned fifteen. It was photos of the trip that took with Clary's family to an old farmhouse that Luke owned in Yorkshire. They had camped out under the stars, eaten too many burgers, and Jocelyn had taken them shopping nearly every day. Clary grinned.

"I can't believe you still have this." She murmured, turning the page.

"We have a whole lifetime of memories, Clare. We're going to be okay."

Clary felt her cheeks heat up but refused to cry. It was like, finally, she was allowed to feel the loss of her mother, the great weight that had been pressing against her. But instead of feeling quite so despicably sad, she felt love. Love for what she had lost, but more so, love for what she had been lucky enough to have her whole life. Love for her mother, who even in death, had blessed her with a lifetime of fortunes.

And in that moment, she knew she would survive it.

 **A/N: This chapter was very dark, so I do promise that eventually good things will come for Clary. But, as she says, she can survive this.**

 **Please leave a review if you enjoyed and be sure to check out some of my other stories, which will hopefully have a few more updates in the next few weeks.**

 **Big love.**


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